Swordsman Tournament
by Cloud-Bahamut
Summary: Chapter 27 is up! This Fic is supposed to be a tournament between Swordsman from diffrent games and animes but now it's basiclly just a lot of random humor.
1. It about to start

Disclaimer: Despite how much I wish I did I don't own anyone featured in this story(sigh). Featured in this stories are characters from Trigun, Inuyasha, Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy Tactics, Devil May Cry, Chrono Trigger, Shinobi  
  
A/N: This is going to be a massive crossover fic, pulling characters from some of my favorite games and animes so that they can beat each other up and figure out who the best swordsman of all is. Hope you like it!(by the way I say first because if I get enought reviews for this one I might make a second one) I will be telling the opening of this story from Clouds POV. There may be some spoilers in this story, just to warn you.  
  
Story: The First Annual Swordsman Tournament  
  
Chapter One: The Tournament Opens...  
  
He walked on into the stadium ready for the fights to come. He had signed up for this tournament because he thought it would be fun, plus Sephiroth had signed up and he was hoping to get another chance to beat him. Cloud walked into the locker room for the fighters thinking of diffrent ways to beat up Sephy. He glanced around at the other fighters while he was getting ready. He noticed some weird guy with silver hair and were thoes...Dog Ears! Suprised, Cloud turned the other way and saw a large frog enter, following a red-headed boy with a punk hairdo. "This is going to be weird" was all Cloud thought while looking at the people around him.  
  
Once he finished getting ready, Cloud headed out to the arena to get a good look around. When he got outside he was amazed to see their was already a huge crowd. He looked among them to see if he saw anyone familiar, when suddenley somthing hit the back of his head. He ignored it and looked at the ring, which was a 30 by 30 foot square that had strange pilliars in all four corners. Before he could figure out what they were for, another object hit the back of his head. This time he slapped at the back of his head thinking it was some kind of bug. This went for a few minutes until someone above called "Cloud you spikey headed @#$$#@ up here!" Cloud put a big smile on, he only knew one person who swore like that. "Cid!" Cloud yelled as he turned and saw of his friends there. There was Cid cursing at him, Barret yelling at Cid for teaching Marlene some new words, Marlene who was just giggling at how her dad was acting, Yuffie who couldn't sit still and was drinking a soda while chewing down some candy.   
  
'Oh GOD!' Cloud thought, Vincent being his usual silent self, Caith Sith wobbling running around trying to give fortunes, Tifa smiling at him, and the whole rest of the gang just looking relaxed. Except one was missing. "Hey Tifa, where's Aeris?" Cloud shouted up to her. "You didn't know?" Tifa responded before adding "She's working here on the medical staff." Cloud just shrugged and Tifa rolled her eyes, "So you guys came to watch me win this thing" Cloud called up to his friends. "Actually we came to watch you get your spikey little a$$ kicked" Cid said and everyone burst out laughing. Well except Cloud of course. Cloud got a mad look on his face and turned away, which just got everyone laughing louder. Cloud just mumbled some stuff like "Some friends you guys are" until he felt a hand slap him on the back. "Don't let them get to you Cloud, there just having some fun." Cloud whirled around at the familiar voice and saw one of his old friends from his "other" adventure. "Ramza! "Cloud exclaimed, suprised to see his friend here. They got to talking about how they were both doing lattley, even though they been seeing each other a lot more. After their final battle, Cloud had been sent back to his own world and regained his memory. However, Mustadio and Ramza thought Cloud had died and had repaired the machine Cloud had come to their world in so that they could tell any of his friends or family what happened to him. Much to their suprise, Cloud was still alive and told them a little about his world now that his memory was back. Cloud made a decision and offered Ramza and the others to come to his world since the Glabados Church was still after the 'Heritics'. Ramza gladly accepted and he, Mustadio, Agrias, Orlandu, Beowulf, Reis, and all the others(even Ovilia who it turned out wasn't killed by Delita) had escaped to Cloud's world. Cloud noticed that Ramza was in his old purple armor and thought to ask if he was in the tournament.   
  
Ramza told him he was and so were Beowulf, Orlandu, and Agrias. As if on cue, Agrias Oaks happened to walk by the two at that time, stopping to say a quick hello. Cloud said hi and Ramza got a little nervous then responded with a hi. As Agrias was walking away, Cloud turned towards Ramza who was still staring at Agrias back as she walked away. Cloud grinned then nudged his friend "So Ramza, you ask Agrias out yet" Cloud said. When Ramza said no, Cloud just chuckled at his nervous behaviour. This got Ramza angry and he got an idea on how to get under Cloud's skin. "So Cloud" Ramza said, mimicking how Cloud had acted before "have you asked Tifa out on a date yet" he continued with a sly grin on his face. Cloud stopped laughing and started glaring at Ramza "I told you were just friends!" Cloud yelled at him, but not loud enough for Tifa or the others to hear "and besides, she probably doesn' like me that way" Cloud said matter-of-factley. Ramza felt like knocking Cloud out. Doesn't like him that way!, what was Cloud blind or was he really that naive! Before Ramza could express these thoughts, however, an announcment came telling the fighters to gather so they set up the matches. Still glaring at one another, Cloud and Ramza walked off to figure out who they were gonna fight. As they gathed by the announcer, he had a large screen next to him showing all of the fighters names and who they were gonna fight. Cloud started to study the list closley to figure out what match he was in.  
  
First Match: Link vs Frog  
  
Second Match: Trunks vs Seifer  
  
Third Match: Chrono vs Sephiroth  
  
Fourth Match: Orlandu vs Inuyasha  
  
Fifth Match: Cloud vs Hotsuma  
  
Sixth Match: Sesshomaru vs Beowulf  
  
Seventh Match: Ramza vs Dante  
  
Eigth Match: Agrias vs Squall  
  
Cloud saw that his opponent was someone named Hotsuma. He saw the man for a second among the other fighter before he disappeared with a red scarf waving in the air behind him. Cloud realized he was some kind of ninja and thought about asking Yuffie for some pointers till he noticed how hyper she had become. That was okay though, cause Cloud thought this might be a challenge, and with a grin on his face he walked off to prepare for his fight...  
  
Prieview for the Next Chapter:  
  
The battles begin and the audience goes wild. Literatley, Vash the Stampede in the audience and he goes crazy looking for some donuts, and Yuffie is hyper. Oh god what have I done!  
  
A/N: This is my first fic so please don't be to harsh with me, and if you want to review and through your in your two cents about who you think should win this opening bouts I'm all ears. Oh and Cloud is not guranteed to win just because he's my favorite character. I'll update soon so review quickly please! If this looks bad, it's because I wrote it on wordpad so that it would be a TEXT document and it kind of looks bad to me. I don't know how this will look on the website. If it looks bad, please give me some tips on how to transfer documents to the site from wordpad or notepad and make them look good. 


	2. The fights and insanity begin

Disclaimer: I don't own anything so don't sue me! I don't have anything you'd want anyway.  
  
A/N: Just to let anyone that has read the story so far know, I have made a few changes to the first chapter. Actually the only change I made was to change the line-up of the fights. Also characters from Trigun, FFVII, FFTactics, and Chrono Trigger will be in the audience as well as some people I just made up that have no names. Well I'm gonna try to be at least a little funny in this chapter and I hope you enjoy it! Rember any tips or suggestions would be appreciated because it is my first fic. Thank you and please Read and Review! Just so you know, this takes place in the FFVII world (which is why it's in the FFVII section).  
  
( )= Author's notes  
  
' '= Character's thoughts  
  
" "= Character talking (duh!)  
  
* *= Expressions  
  
Story: The First Annual Swordsman Tournament  
  
Chapter Two: The Fights begin...  
  
The crowd all hushed as the announcer walked into the center of the ring. "Let's get ready to fight!" the announcer yelled at the top of his lungs, expecting a loud applause. He got a couple of coughs and a lot of strange looks. "Anyway" he hissed out, with a vein appearing on his head (anime style) "The rules to this competion are simple. First, you can't kill your opponent" Sephiroth was heard saying something like "awww..man" and the announcer decided to ignore the homicidal maniac and continue "Second, if you are knocked out of the ring, you lose, and finally, you can use items as long as you wield a sword and know for our first match" annoucner is seen staring at a cue card for a few minutes "uhh...Frog?...and Link!" At this the audience actually clapped out loud and the vein on the announcer's head got bigger (I love when they do that in animes).  
  
His anger building, the annoucner walked off the ring and to the area where the fighters were all gathered, and sat down at the same table as Cloud and Sephiroth, who were busy drinking coffee and didn't notice him (Cloud sitting at the same table as Sephiroth to make sure he doesn't go on a killing spree again). As the fighters walked onto the arena, the four pilliars that Cloud had noticed before started to glow and within seconds the ring was covered in a dome-like barrier designed to keep the attacks within the ring and to register when someone fell out of the ring. As the fighters were getting the ready the short frog fighter who noticed something about his opponent. He was looking him over when he noticed his ears, which were elf ears, and suddenly realized were he had seen them before. He looked into the audience and, sure enough, there was his arch-enemy/ally Magus with those same elf-like ears. "So, thou art related to Magus are thee" Frog said and when Link gave him a confused expression he added "Don't try to hideth it, you will feel the wraith of my Masamune!" and pulled out his sword. (Sorry if I messed up the old english, I was just guessing as to how he would say that)  
  
After hearing the words "my Masamune!" Sephiroth's eyes widened and he spat out his buring hot coffee. Unfortunatley, he spat it out right into the announcers face and the man started to run around screaming as it was really hot (Seph likes hot coffee *evil grin*). Of course, Sephiroth ignored the man's plight and immediatley walked out until he was almost to the ring with a really, REALLY pissed off look on his face. "What do you mean your Masamune!, Masamune is my sword!" and with that he pulled out the eigth foot-long blade to prove his point. The entire audience now were looking around nervously, with beads of sweat running down their heads. They knew Sephiroth reputation for massacres. "Sephiroth!, Calm down right NOW!" someone was heard yelling. Sephiroth was about to yell something back when he noticed who had yelled at him. Standing there was Aeris in her usual cloths with her Princess Guard and an angry look on her face. Sephiroth suddenly looked afraid and hurried back to the table next to Cloud, sheathing his sword along the way. Everyone looked really confused, especially Cloud (not trying to call him stupid). "Since when do you take orders from Aeris" Cloud asked. "Since the planet won't let me hurt her and she can beat the shit out of me with that staff" Sephiroth replied, soundly more like a scared little child then one of the most feared villians ever. Cloud couldn't contain it anymore, and no one else could either. The whole stadium, even the fighters, broke out into an uncontrollable laughter. At least until Sephiroth yelled "SHUT UP!!!" and placed his hand on his sword. Then everyone shut up really quick. The announcer finally recovered from his burns, and noticed the fighters weren't going at it. He realized he had forgot to announce the fight had begun and quickly ran out to the ring and yelled "Ready...FIGHT!!!"  
  
The reaction was instant. The second he said those words, the sounds of the Masamune and Master Sword clashing could be heard. (By the way, I haven't been able to play the most recent Zelda games since I never got an N64 and my Gamecube won't play "Windwaker" so Link's gonna use a lot of stuff from "A Link to the Past" on the SNES) The battle started off even, as the two fighter kept clashing swords and neither one suffered anything more than minor cuts. Then, deciding to end the stalemate, Link tossed one of his bombs at Frog. Just as expected, Frog jumped out of the bomb's range. However, Frog's backward jump to avoid the bomb gave Link the chance to knock an arrow and he let one fly right at Frog. Frog noticed the arrow and deflected it with his sword, but didn't notice Link's second arrow until it went straight into his right leg. Frog yelled in pain, and dropped to his knees. Before he could get the arrow out, Link charged and shield bashed (That's using your shield as a weapon) Frog right in the face. Frog rolled back a couple feet, but managed to get up and pull the arrow out. Throwing the arrow aside, Frog casted a quick Cure spell on himself and it closed the injured on his leg and fixed his now broken nose. Despite the spell, both areas still throbbed with pain and Frog was getting mad at his opponent. He charge Link with a furious look in his eyes and started to hack at Link. Link blocked the attacks with his shield, but when he tried to counter with his sword, the enraged Frog knocked it out of his hand and in the process left a large gash on Link's right hand. Now swordless, Link started to back up, using the shield to block all of Frog's frantic attacks and tried to think of a way out of this mess. Suddenley he remebered one of his items, and when Frog was about to attack again, Link pulled out the Magic Hammer and smashed it right into Frog's side. Despite Link's weakend strength from his injury and guarding Frog's attacks, the hammer did a lot of damage and a few ribs could be heardcracking. Yelling in pain again, Frog quickly knocked the hammer out of Link's hand and started to renew his attacks. Now desperate, Link thougt of a last resort attack and decided to try it since he would lose if he didn't do something. He dropped something with his right hand while he unexpectedley charged Frog with his shield. This time Frog was expecting the shield bash, and sidestepped it and cut Link across his left leg. Despite the injury, Link made it past Frog and turned around just in enought time to see the bomb's he had laid go off and send Frog flying in the air and out of the ring.  
  
The whole audience sat there staring wide-eyed at the battlefield were Link had just won the first match over Frog. Then the entire audinece, with the exception of the Chrono Trigger group, started to appalaud and whistle and all that other stuff happy people do (actually, Magus from Chrono Trigger was cheering too!). Frog and Link got medical attention and Link recoved his lost sword and hammer. Meanwhile something was happening in the audience...  
  
...(What thought I was gonna leave you with a cliffhanger or something) a certain hyper/kleptomaniac teenage thief/ninja by the name of Yuffie was getting really excited. She loved the fights so far, but sitting down wasn't something she usually did (just ask the FFVII crew). She decided to go steal some stuff for the "glory" of Wutai. She was busy picking peoples pockets when she started to get hungry. Then she noticed a guy nearby wearing a red trenchcoat, sitting next to a bandaged up guy in a...spacesuit?!? Shrugging she started to sneak over and was catching parts of their conversation. "Whoa! That was exciting wasn't it Knives!" Vash the Stampede, legendary gunmen and idiot, yelled at his brother Knives (who was wishing he was dead because he was sitting next to Vash) "NO! It wasn't! I would much rather be off killing spiders then watching beat each other up for amumsment!" Knives yelled back at his brother. "Still haven't changed, eh Knives?" Vash said. Then he pused a button on a controller he had next to him and suddenly Knives was shaking in his seat for a few seconds before stopping with smoke coming off of him (Vash put a shock collar on Knives to make sure he would be a good little plant! *Big smile*). While Vash was busy teaching Knives a lesson, Yuffie slowly crept up and did the unthinkable, an act so horrible it will be rembered for all time. She swiped Vash's donuts (the horror! the HORROR!) and quickly ran off while stuffing some donuts in her face. Vash was happy having taught Knives his lesson and reached for a donut and found air. worried he tried again and again found air. Looking for his box of donuts, Vash caught sight of something. Sevral dozen feet away, a pretty young girl was eating a box of donuts. Know usually this wouldn't have meant anything to Vash (excpet he try to get some of the donuts) but on the side of the box read some words that made Vash very angry with this girl. On the side of the box it read "Vash the Stampede's Donuts- DON'T TOUCH OR FACE THE AWESOME POWER OF MY ANGEL ARM!!- Love and Peace!", with a picture of Vash smiling and holding his hands in his traditional V-like way. Vash immediatley rushed after the girl, knockng around audience member left and right. She saw him coming and instanley took off, and those began their chase, with Yuffie hiding behind people and Vash trying to shoot her (only to injure her) and missing while trying to avoid the people. This continued until Yuffie came to a large open spot on the bleachers with no one there (they had all ran off when they saw her coming) and she turned to see an incredibly angry Vash pointing his gun at here. He was really mad because along the way, she had finished off his donuts and now he was gonna get some revenge for his poor defensless donuts.  
  
Everyone in the audience had stopped to watch the chase and now that it was over, Knives had a wonderful idea! (oh shit!) Using his telepathic powers, he removed the pin from the top of Vash's gun and it instanley started to tranform into the incredibly powerful Angel Arm. Normally, Vash could control it, but because of his anger he wasn't thinking straight and he started to aim the Angel Arm at poor Yuffie (shouldn't steal donuts Yuffie! and by the way I don't hate Yuffie I just thought this sounded kind of cool). Right before he could obliterate the ninja, something came flying at Vash's arm and pointed it off into the distance, where the blast shot past the horizon (I know, if he really fired it, it would have destroyed the stadium but work with me here) and traveled to the other side of the planet, shot into the sky and hit the moon (Vash did it again!). Everyone in the audience turned to see who had thrown whatever that was at Vash and noticed an extremley pissed off, and short, insurance girl. Vash quickly went pale and started to back away until he noticed that the thing Meryl (Who you think it was?) had thrown a box of donuts and she started to yell at him to never try to blow up a place over a box of donuts. Then, just as Vash feared, she kicked his ass. During this Yuffie made her way back to the other member of the FFVII crew who were all staring daggers at her for nearly getting them all killed...  
  
Priview for Next Chapter:  
  
The fights continue! and the audience goes even crazier because some guys start hitting on Tifa and pissing Cloud off. You can see where this is going...(I'm starting to wonder if there will be a stadium after these fights get through)  
  
A/N: Did you like it? I hope so! Oh by the way sorry I couldn't get more than one fight in but I thought the chapter was getting kind of dragged out, and I forgot to thank my one reviewer (loud fanfare is heard in the background) so thanks AnnatheAncient for your review and I hope you liked how this chapter went. I have to wrap this up now but I'll try to update quickly okay. Bye everybody! 


	3. More battles! Sephiroth's fight begins

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, except for my insanity and my obsession with Anime and Video Games.   
  
A/N: Hi, I decided to update much faster this time since I was getting so many reviews now (the numbers made it up to four and thats counting the person who reviewed twice) So I don't forget this time, the first thing I would like to do is thank my reviewers. So thanks to: Haruko-2020 (lots of clapping heard), High Priestess Megami (more clapping heard) and last but very far from least AnnatheAncient who has reviewed twice (Deafining loud clapping and fanfare heard) Since you all seemed to really like this story I decided to update a lot sooner than last time. I hope everyone continues to enjoy this fic and remember, suggestions and tips are welcome but no flaming because I just figured out what that means and if you flame me then Bahamut-ZERO and Knights of the Round will come after you *really big evil grin* Anyway, I probably gonna start some other fics soon since this one seems like it will take awhile to complete and I've been getting a lot of good ideas latley. I'll let you know more about my ideas next update. So without further ado, here's my fic!  
  
Story: The First Annual Swordsman Tournament  
  
Chapter Three: The Fights continue and so does the insanity...  
  
"There we go!" Cid said and with one last tug he made sure the ropes tying Yuffie to her chair were secure. "Come on guys, is this really necessary" Yuffie pleaded with her "friends" and was met by an instant shout of "YES!" from all of them. She just started to mutter something under her breath along the lines of "I hate you guys" and "I'm so gonna steal all your materia AGAIN!" Meanwhile, while the FFVII crew was making sure that Yuffie wouldn't get them all killed, the fighter were having a little chat. "What the hell was up with that guys arm!?!" Cloud yelled to the group of fighters. They had time to kill (NO! Sephiroth no massacres) while they were setting the ring up for the next fight. "What do you mean?" Seph himself asked and got a strange look from all the other fighters. "Hello! Didn't you see that huge gun his arm turned into!?" Cloud yelled at the maniac. "So, what's the big deal?" Seph (Calling him Seph is easier than spelling his entire name out) asked the other fighters. This caused an argument between Sephiroth and the other fighters over just how dangerous the Angel Arm was. After a few minutes of this, the ring was ready and the announcer walked back onto the stage. "Is everybody ready!" He shouted in an overly excited tone. The audience completley ignored him again (poor announcer, but it's fun torturing OCs). "FINE!" he yelled out and still didn't get anyone's attention. "The next competitors are Trunks and Seifer" now the audience started cheering loudly. 'I hate my life' the announcer (he doesn't even have a name HAHA) thought as he walked off out of the ring. "I can fix that" said Sephiroth with an evil grin on his face. "Don't even think about it!" yelled a familiar voice. Sephiroth cringed a few seconds before getting whacked in the head with a metal rod (I'm a Sephiroth fan, but I just couldn't resit) "Sorry Aeris" Seph said and walked off, while everyone tried to hold back their laughter. A glare from Seph ended the laughter.  
  
Two new warriors walked in the ring and the same barrier as before was cast over the ring. The two warriors looked at each other, trying to size up the other fighter. Seifer had an overconfident look on his face, thinking Trunks would be a pushover, while Trunks just had a cold look on his face, planning out how to beat his opponent. Then the start of the battle was annouced by the now depressed announcer. They both drew their swords, or gunblade in Seifers case, and started fighting, their blades clashing repeadeatly. Seifer had the advantage at first because he used a sword more ofter than Trunks (if you pay attention to the show and have played FFVIII you should realize that Trunks doesn't get to use his sword much, while Seifer has his gunblade during the whole game). Seifer took an opening and struck with his gunblade an injury across Trunks chest. Trunks jumped back, holding his now bleeding chest (As you can tell, Trunks isn't as strong as he is in DBZ because if he was then there would be no way for him to lose, so please don't be mad that he can be injured by their weapons, or that they can survive his ki blasts, oh and he can still go super saiyan and fly so don't worry) Trunks put some distance between himself and Seifer and then started a barrage of energy attacks. Seifer was using his blade to deflect most of the attacks however, some got through and started taking a toll on the warrior. Thinking quickly (that hurt his brain), Seifer put his hand out and quickly cast a spell. "Firaga!" (that was the third level fire spell in FFVIII wasn't it?) and immediatly, the young warrior Trunks was covered in flames. Luckily magical fire dissapates instead of lighting things on fire, but when the attack was over, Trunks had burn marks all over him and his cloths were in ruins. Now getting pissed off, Trunks moved his hands in a quick set of motions in front of him (if you watch DBZ and say when future Trunks took out Frieza, you know what this is) and put them out in front of him with his thumb and pointer fingers touching while all the others were pointed away. Before Seifer realized what was happening, Trunks launched his energy attack and when Seifer tried to block it he was pushed out of the ring, and the attack exploded injuring him severly. Sephiroth walked over to the downed warrior before the medical crew could get there and kicking him in the ribs. "That's what you get for trying to steal my name, bitch!" Seph yelled at the injured man (I always thougt it was odd how Seifers name sounds like the first part of Sephiroth)  
  
Once again the audience cheered and Sephiroth was wacked over the head for kicking an injured man (poor Sephiroth). Sephiroth sighed and made his way back to where the other fighters were, happy that his fight was next. Meanwhile in the audience (isn't that the exact same line I used last time?) The crowd was still cheering over Seifers embarassing defeat. While the crowd was still cheering, a group of about ten really big, body builder (a.k.a. idiots) moved into the seats behind the FFVII people (just as a little secret, all the people from the diffrent games and animes are all seating each other by some strange coincidence *author walks away whistling, wait I can't whistle! Dammit!*). They were checking out all the girls around them when a few specific ones caught their eye (unless you didn't read the "Prieview for Next Chapter" last time you know where I'm going with this). Their first thoughts where to do what every "macho" guy thinks he should do, use stupid pickup lines and make an ass out of himself (Don't deny it, it's true and you know it) Within the first five seconds, Tifa (who I told was going to be messed with last chapter), Yuffie (who some how got out of the ropes), Kagome (you know the girl from Inuyasha who wasn't a pyscho bitch priest), and Sango (the other not pyscho bitch from Inuyasha who kills demons) were annoyed to the point of preparing to kick some ass. What they didn't see (and neither did the idiots) was two fighters who could both hear the "conversation" the idiots were having with the ladies and who were very pissed off about it (can you guess who they are? *evil grin*). The warrior Cloud and the half-demon Inuyasha were both now in a very bad mood, but what happened next was completly unexpected (even by me and I'm the damn author!). Aeris was walking in the stands to say hi to her friends and when the idiots (yes I will keep refering to them as that because I don't like jocks and muscleheads) noticed her and started up with some of their idiocy on her. To everyone's suprise and without saying a word, Sephiroth jumped up into the stands (bet you thought I was gonna say air and had him impale somebody didn't you,*author can be heard muttering "Maybe later"*) and Cloud followed him along with Inuyasha. When the hero, the villian, and the half-demon made it up to the stands they all had angry looks on their faces (somebody's gonna get their asses kicked). The idiots finally noticed the guys and instantly came to one conclusion. "Hey guys, you get away from us, these are our chicks!" one of the idiots yelled at the trio. The three warriors just looked at the five (since Aeris is getting harassed now to) girls and then looked back at the ten guys. "We don't need to get involved" Cloud said and Seph and Inu (yeah I abrieviated his name too) just noded. "So you're chicken then!" retorted the idiot from before. "No, but they will do a lot worse to you then what we would do" Seph said and walked back to the fighters area with the two other warriors behind him. Before they could make some stupid reply to that last remark, the girls started beating the hell out of the idiots. Long story short there were a lot of bruises and broken bones as well as five very satisfied women (I know that was kinda lame, but I ran out of ideas).   
  
With that little dispute taken care of everything was peacful, excpet for Inuyasha trying to kill Yuffie because she got hungry and stole his ramen (She will never learn will she). Inuyasha only spared the little thief after Kagamoe yelled "SIT!!" to make sure he didn't kill the young ninja. Seeing this, the FFVII crew was now trying to convince Kagome to let them put one of those necklaces on Yuffie. Meawhile the Announcer started to announce the next fight, which was between Chrono, hero of Chrono Trigger, and Sephiroth who needs no special introduction because EVERYONE knows who he is. The two warriors walked into the ring and instantly the barrier went up around them. Just before the announcer declared that the fight had started, Chrono looked at his opponent and gasped upon noticing his eyes. Sephiroth's eyes glowed from his Mako injections and he had a grin on his face. It had been far to long since he had fought anyone better than a mere grunt. With that grin still on his face, Sephiroth drew his Masamune while Chrono drew out a similiar Katana though it was smaller than the Masamune. When the announcer declared that the battle had begun, Chrono charged the veteran warrior, hoping to close the gap so Sephiroth didn't have the advantage of range. Sephiroth just stood there smiling until the boy attacked, then he countered it while wielding the Masamune in one hand, like the attack was nothing. Unnerved, Chrono started to wonder just what he was up against. Then Sephiroth attacked. Flashes of light could be seen, as their blades met again and again. Chrono was holding his own for now, but quickly realized that Sephiroth was even stronger than he imagined. Outside the ring Cloud to stood with a suprised look on his face. When Sephiroth came back, his Jenova cells were dormant like Cloud's since Jenova was dead. So how the hell could he still fight like that. Just then, at what Sephiroth assumed was a moment of weakness from the boy he now fought, Sephiroth sidstepped a weak attack and was behind him. 'A dissapointing battle' Seph thought, just as he was about to end it. Sephiroth heard the boy say something, and then felt a sharp pain in his gut. Chrono had one of his moves to swing his blade at a 360 degree angle, cutting into Sephiroth's gut. Sephiroth jumped back and casted a quick cure spell on his injury. 'So this might be more interesting than I thought' Sephiroth thought then renewed his attack...  
  
Prieview for the Next Chapter:  
  
The battle between Chrono and Sephiroth continues! Then Inuyasha gets a chance to get into the ring and his opponent is the strongest character in FFTactics, that's right, Thunder God Cid a.k.a Orlandu!  
  
A/N: Sorry for ending it their, but I didn't want this chapter to drag on to long, and I wanted Chrono and Sephiroth's fight to last longer than that. Sorry if this chapter wasn't as funny, but I ran out of ideas on how to make the situation I promised in the last "Priview" funny. If you have any ideas for some comedy among the audience or even the fighters, then please leave them in your reviews. Until my next update, Bye Everybody! 


	4. Sephiroths Battle and Inuyasha's Challen...

Disclaimer: I don't own anything I put into this story, except my insantiy.  
  
A/N: Sorry it took so long to update everybody, but I've been having a little trouble (*cough*schoolwork*cough*) and I've used the extra time to think up a few new ideas. Before we get started I would like to thank Haruko-2020 and AnnatheAncient for reviewing my story again and I hope you both like the new chapter.  
  
Story: Swordsman Tournament  
  
Chapter Four: Sephiroth's Battle and Inuyasha's challenge...  
  
Metal-on-Metal noise could be heard as Sephiroth and Chrono's swords were colliding with one another. Sephiroth decided to try and overpower his young opponent and swung a powerful blow at Chrono. Chrono blocked it, but was having trouble holding back Sephiroth's attack. Then he got an idea and his eyes started to glow. Suprised, Sephiroth barley heard Chrono shout out the words "Luminare!!!" before he was engulfed and thrown back by a strang light coming from Chrono. Now with several new injuries, Sephiroth decided to stop toying with Chrono. He quickly casted a Bolt 3 spell on Chrono, but Sephiroth didn't know that lightining was Chrono's element (the characters in Chrono Trigger have specific elements) and the spell barley affected him. Suprised, Sephiroth didn't notice Chrono charging at him until he was almost to him. Sephiroth quicly prepared to counter his attack, but then Chrono said what sounded like "Confusion!" and he disappeared (this is always how I figured this attack worked).   
  
Before Sehiroth could figured out where he had gone, he felt a sharp pain as Chrono struck four diffrent times, always disapperaring then reapperaing to strike. When the fourth move was done, Chrono reapperared where he had been before the attack on Sephiroth. Sephiroth was now slightly incapacitated with the fresh injuries he had recieved and Chrono was walking up to him with a big grin on his face. Just as Chrono was about to end the fight, in a burst of strength Sephiroth dodged Chrono's final attack and slashed his left arm, leaving a deep gash across it. Chrono yelled out in pain and jumped back to avoid any follow-up attacks. As he was clutching his injured arm, he noticed Sephiroth was now grinning and the world around him went dark as Sephiroth summoned "Supernova". After several awe inspiring scenes (and the FFVII people wincing because they knew what this attack could do) Chrono was hit whith the full force of "Supernove". He was blown back several feet and was staring at the sky, as he had lost hisfooting during the attack and was now flat on his back, but still in the ring. Thinking he was unconcious, Sephiroth walked closer to Chrono and did something no one expected. "Good job, I had to use our of my best moves to beat you" and with that said, Sephiroth started to walk away but then heard Chrono moving. When Sephiroth turned around, Chrono was back on his feet although he had many injuries and only one of his eyes was open as the other one had blood going into it from an injury on his forehead. Before Sephiroth could say anything, a ball of golden light appeared in front of Chrono. Chrono then shouted out "BOLT 2!!!" and several bolt of lightning shot out from the golden light and struck Sephiroth, throwing him back several feet and injuring him. Just as everyone thought the fight was over, Sephiroth got back up, but was starting to look wore out from all the attacks. Chrono looked like he was about to attack again, but before he could he fell face first onto the ring, knocked out from using up the last of his strength with that last attack.   
  
The audience started to cheer once again as the fight was concluded. Sephiroth walked back to the fighters area, using one of his own spells to heal himself, while Chrono got medical attention. What no one noticed was a mysterious figure sneak into the crowd nor did they notice this figure sit very close to a certain red trenchcoat wearing gunmen who was banadaged up from a recent beating he had recieved (have you figured out who it is yet). After a little while, Vash got up to get some more donuts (he had already eatin the new box) and Meryl followed him to make sure he didn't do anything stupid, like blow-up the stadium if they were out of donuts. Shortly after they walked off, Knives heard a voice in his head (not the insane kind, the telepathic kind) 'Master, I have arrived' Knives grinned as he looked around and noticed his only supervision was Milly, who was to busy eating pudding to notice anything going on around her. 'Did you bring it Legato?' Knives asked him telepathicly.   
  
'Of course Master, it's right here' and Legato started to hand Knives a black revolver (you should know what that is). Unfoutunatley for the duo, Meryl had fogotten something and was coming back up when she noticed Legato handing Knives the gun. Luckily, Vash had let her and Milly have a controller (Remember, Knives has a shock collar on) in case Knives tried anything. Being devious, Meryl waited until Knives and Legato were touching the gun at the same time, then she pressed the button. Knives and Legato (since he was holding onto the gun and it's metal and metal conducts electricity) were both shocked and ended up dropping the gun between the seats and it fell down to the ground. Meryl then walked up and started yelling at Milly for not watching Knives, and Milly replied that she was watching Knvives. Which of course meant she was watching WHILE Legato was handing him the gun but didn't do anything because they told her to WATCH Knives. Vash came back up and cringed when he noticed Legato.   
  
Legato noticed this after recoverering from the electric shock and started sending Vash telepathic messages. 'Hello Vash the Stampede' Legato thought, thinking it would sound cool and threatning. Vash immediatly got teary eyed and said..er..thought 'Don't call me by my full NAME!' and looke like he was about to burst into tears. Legato just stared, once again having trouble beliveing that Vash was a legendary outlaw. Finnally Legato came back to his senses and he demanded that Vash release Knives. Vash refused, and he and Legato were about to get into a fight when the announcer started to announce the next fight. 'After this battle, I will kill you and free my master, Vash the Stampede' With that, Legato walked off to find some hot dogs while Vash muttered something incoherent and sat down to enjoy his donuts.  
  
As the announcer annoucned the battle, Inuyasha drew his sword, but it didn't tranform. Realizing he was fighting a regular human, Inuyasha sheathed the sword and started to charge at Orlandu. Orlandu saw him coming, though, and quickly countered with his Holy Explosion technique. Inuyasha was thrown back and injured by the powerful technique, and he felt dizzy from the confusion it was know to cause. Orlandu took advantage of this and continued to attack Inuyasha, slashing at him with his sword. After recovering, Inuyasha used his "Iron Reaver Soul Stealer" attack to leave many injuries on Orlandu. Thinking quicly, Orlandu used the Night Sword technique and drained Inuyasha's strength while recovering his own. He then used the Stasis sword technique on Inuyasha, which made it so that Inuyasha couldn't move. He then prepared to finish the battle with his Holy Explosion technique. As the stopped Inuyasha watched, Orlandu gathered the energy needed to perform the attack. He asked Inuyasha to surrender which, of course, Inuyasha refused. Then he started to mutter the words "Heavan's Wish to destroy all minds,..." and was about to say the last part when something strange happened. Inuyasha's rosary strated to glow and the half-demon gulped, knowing what that meant. In the crowd a few seconds before, Shippou the little kitsuine had gotten in Kagome's face because he was nervous about the fight. Of course Kagome wanted to see to, so she told Shippou to sit down, without realizing she had just said the word that bound Inuyasha until after she said it. As Orlandu shouted out "Holy Explosion!" and the beams from the sky started toward Inuyasha, he hit the groud with a loud BOOM! (couldn' think of a better noise) and the attack missed him. Then he got up and charged Orlandu. When it looked like Orlandu was about to use another of his attacks, Inuyasha covered his hand in his own blood and used his "Blades of Blood" attack. Orlandu was busy trying to stop the attack and didn't notice Inuyasha's next move.   
  
Inuyasha closed in and grapped his wrist on his right hand, the one that was holding the sword. Before Orlandu could try to escape, Inuyasha tightened his grip and broke Orlandu's wrist, making him drop his sword. Orlandu backed off, trying to think of a new plan, while Inuyasha picked up Orlandu's discarded sword and threw it out of the ring to make sure he couldn't use it again. Then Inuyasha strarted to beat up on Orlandu with his fists until he finaly uppercutted him and sent him crashing to the ground unconcious. With the fight won, Inuyasha went back to the gathering area for the fighters and noticed one of them staring at him. "What!" Inuyasha yelled at Sephiroth, who just chuckled and replied "I was trying to figure out how hard it would be to defeat you" and walked off without another word.   
  
Prieview for Next Chapter:  
  
Cloud vs. Hotsuma and Vash and Legato have a "duel". The prize? Knives' Freedom! Also, Vincnet and Rude of the Turks have an interesting "conversation"  
  
A/N: Okay so I hope everybody likes this chapter and I would like to again appologize for how long it took me to update. Does anyone have their own ideas for Legato and Vash's "duel" I already have my own, but I want to know what you think. Anyway, I'll try to update sooner next time. Until then, Bye Everybody! 


	5. Cloud's Fight! Don't forget Vash and Leg...

Disclaimer: You should have realized by now that I don't own anything. If you haven't then I'm going to have to ask you to GROW A @#%#ING BRAIN!!! Thank you!  
  
A/N: I'm sorry that I keep taking a week or so to update. I've been brainstorming ideas (a.k.a. daydreaming during class) for the fic and it's taken me awhile to get my ideas organized so I could write them down. Well anyway, before I start I'd like to once agian thank my reviewers AnnatheAncient and Haruko-2020 for reviewing my last chapter. Hope you both like the new chapter. Well I'm gonna start now so please read and review.  
  
Story: Swordsman Tournament  
  
Chapter Five: Cloud gets to Fight! and more insanity....  
  
Vash and Legato were staring at each other. Both had aggravated expressions on their faces. They were ready for their duel. Soon the battle for Knives' freedom would begin. Since the place was crowded and Legato didn't have a gun so they decided on a diffrent way to have a duel. The two of them were now sitting next to each other and the audience was watching the two, expecting a fist fight or something like that to break out. "Well Vash the Stampede, are you ready to die?" Leagto said with a cold smile on his face. "Depends, are you ready to lose Legato" Vash replied with a calm smile. Then, Legato pulled out a clipboard with a blank piece of paper on it. Vash pulled out two pencils. The entire audience had a confused look on their faces and someone asked them what they were doing. Vash and Legato ignored him and continued their "duel" until finally Meryl walked over and looked at what they were doing. She immediatly got a suprised look on her face and got a lot of curious stares from the crowd. When someone asked her what they were doing, she stomped back over to Vash and Legato and yelled at them "YOUR'RE DECIDING THE FATE OF ONE OF THE MOST DANGEROUS MANIACS EVER WITH A GAME OF TIC-TAC-TOE!!!!" Immediatly both Vash and Legato told her to shut up so they could focus on their "game". Everyone in the audinece besides Vash and Legato (yes even Knives) facefell (you know, like they do in animes) and broke out into an uncontrollable laughter (well everyone excpet Vincent, but that's only because he is to angst filled to laugh). Vahs and Legato ignored this and continued to play their game, both sweating and trying to decide their next move in their game which is somehow taking them a long time to finish. Everyone decided to ignore this odd duel and wait for the next fight to start. Luckily for the audience they wouldn't have to wait long as the announcer was already preparing to annoucne the next fight.  
  
Cloud was in the fighter's area preparing for the fight. He was picking good materia to use and strapping on his armor plates, then he attached the Buster Sword to his back. He looked around and didn't see his opponent, but he headed out to the ring anyway. When he got there, he waited around for a few seconds before Hotsuma suddenly appeared before him even though he hadn't even been close to him a second ago. Before Cloud could try to figure out how he did that, a bell rang and the fight started. Cloud pulled out the Buster Sword and started to charge at Hotsuma. The ninja just stood there, as calm as could be as Cloud kept getting closer and closer. Just as Cloud swung and before his blade could connenct, Hotsuma moved out of the was so fast that Cloud barley saw the movment and Hotsuma had gotten behind Cloud and drawn his sword. Hotsuma tried to end the fight with a quick slash at Cloud, but to his suprise Cloud brought his sword around to parry the blow easily. Hotsuma jumped back and tried to figure out how Cloud could swing around a sword that was that big so easily. Cloud quickly counter attacked and the two warriors spent the next several minutes with their blades clashing between them. Realizing he would get worn out from blocking the large sword, Hotsuma devised a plan and intentionally weakened his own guard, leaving Cloud with a perfect oppurtunity. Cloud took it and swung a mighty blow to finish the battle. Hotsuma had been waiting for this and quickly dodged out of the way of the large sword and jumped back, throwing several kunai (little throwing knives) at Cloud. Cloud managed to block several but two went into his right leg and one went into his left shoulder. Hotsuma stayed back and continued to throw more and more kunai at Cloud, but Cloud was now managing to block the blades without further injury. Despite this, Cloud knew he couldn't keep this up forever and he was sure that he would get tired from blocking with the sword faster than Hostuma got tired throwing the little   
  
knives. Thinking fast, Cloud called upon the power of one of the materia in his sword. Within a few seconds, Cloud had sevral green balls of light floating around him and he disappeared. Hotsuma had a confused look on his face, until he heard a noise like thunder roaring about his head. Looking up he saw that storm clouds had suddenly formed in the sky and something was coming throw the lightning. A few seconds later, Hotsuma was face to face with a dragon that goes by the name "Bahamut". Bahamut wasted no time in charging up and blasting his powerful "Mega Flare" attack on Hotsuma. Hotsuma tried to guard against the attack, but still took heavu damage from the blast. When Cloud reapperaed, Hotsuma tried to his him with more kunai, but he was weakend and Cloud easily dodged them. Then, focusing his power, Cloud used his "Blade Beam" attack to send a wave of energy across the ground at Hotsuma. Hotsuma didn't have the strength to dodge the attack and a moment later was thrown out of the ring by the   
  
force of the beam. Cloud didn't say anything, he simply reattached the sword to his back and walked off the ring.  
  
On the way back, he noticed all of his friends cheering for him. He waved up to them and shouted "Told ya I'd win" and then started to laugh happily. "You got luck, Spikey!" Cid shouted back and him and Barret started to laugh at the nickname they'd made up for Cloud. "HA! You won't be saying that when I win this thing!" Cloud yelled back and took a seat. Meanwhile, a group of three people had shown up and taken a seat behind Tifa and all the others. This group of people was no other than the low-life, despicable, blue suit wearing bastards (and bitch) of the Turks (No I don't actually hate the Turks, but I figured this kind of intro suited them). Reno was slum drunk and when Tifa asked how much he had, the always talkative Elena told them that he had drank three bottles of wine, a bottle of whiskey, two jugs of moonshine, and a gallon of pure alchol. When a suprised Tifa said he sould be dead with all that alchol, Elena told her that was just what he drinks in the morning! Meanwhile, Rude had moved  
  
to sit closer to Vincent and the two started a "conversation" (Quick A/N: the following conversation will be done in script format so it will be easier to read, thank you and please enjoy the rest of the fic)  
  
Vincent:......  
  
Rude:.....(shrugs)  
  
Vincent:......(nods)  
  
Rude:......(rasies eyebrow)  
  
Vincent:.......(stares)  
  
Rude:.......(nods)  
  
Then a came by who was serving some alcholic beverages (you know, beer). Reno was the first to order one but then Rude waved to the guy and he came over to Rude and Vincent  
  
Vincent:.......  
  
Vendor:.......(nods)  
  
Rude:......(shrugs)  
  
Vincent:.......(nods)  
  
Vendor: Okay that will be $5 for the drinks  
  
Vincent and Rude eacht hand over two fifty and get there drinks. Everyone else stares at them until Tifa finally asks them "How did you two order those drinks without saying anything". Vincent and Rude just stare at her for a second, shrug, and start to drink their beers. Everyone else just sweardrops (another anime trick) and start to pay attention to the ring again. Just then two new fighters walked out onto the ring. The warriors were Sesshomaru and Beowulf. Beowulf looked confident, where as Sesshomaru just kept a calm, expressionless look on his face. Beowulf had no idea what he was up against.....  
  
Priview for Next Chapter:  
  
Sesshomaru fights Beowulf! Who will win? Will Vash and Legato's "duel" end? Will the Turks annoy the FFVII crew to much and get killed? Why the hell am I asking you when I'm the author? All of these or maybe none of this questions answeared next chapter of "Swordsman Tournament"  
  
A/N: So how did everyone like it? I really think this chapter came out well and hope everyone likes the "Duel" and "Conversation". Oh and just as a side note, I'm going back and reformating my first three chapters. They won't have any new content so don't worry about reading them over agin. Until next time everyone, Bye! 


	6. Short Battle and is this fic devloping a...

Disclaimer: You already know what I'm going to say, so instead here's a Public Service Announcment.  
  
*Public Service thingy*  
  
Kid sitting worridly outside (the HORROR! THE HORROR! A kid who goes OUTSIDE!) and a quick message plays "It's 3 a.m. do you know where your video games are?"  
  
*End of Public Service thing that I don't like*  
  
A/N: I'm back! Yeah I know, I'm updating this really fast. I've decided to do something diffrent (as if you coulnd't tell from the disclaimer) and respond to my only review this chapter (although that's my fault because Haruko-2020 usually takes a little bit to review, no offense, and I'm updating this only a few days after posting the last chapter) Anyway to respond to my review from AnnatheAncient: I'm glad you liked the last chapter. It's great to hear that people thought the "Duel" and "Conversation" were funny. I like to thank you for the ideas which I'll probably put into this chapter and I will apologize to you and Aeris for not showing her so much, but I had trouble thinking of how to throw her in and your idea was good so I'll probably use it. Anyway as for putting Kenshin in, theirs a slight problem. You see, I've seen Ruroni Kenshin but I haven't seen very much of it so if I throw Kenshin in I just know I'm gonna mess up his character. I will hopefully get to see more of the show, and might throw him in later (of course, he won't get to fight but he still be there). As for your comment about your review being unhelpful all I can say is, You couldn't possible be more wrong than that. You've been reviewing since the first chapter (and the fact that someone reviewed my first chapter is the only reason I posted a second) and your review as well as the others have helped convince me that this fic doesn't suck and that I might actually have some small talent as an author (yeah I have confidence issues) anyway, I'm gonna thank you once again for reviewing and hope you'll keep on reviewing my story. Well that's my ranting and since your all probably asleep by now, ON WITH THE FIC!  
  
Story: Swordsman Tournament  
  
Chapter 6: The plot thickness....wait there isn't a plot! Oh well, more fights and craziness!  
  
Beowulf quickly found out what he was up against. The second the bell had rang, Sesshomaru attacked so fast Beowulf barley saw him before he uppercutted him. Beowulf went flying back and landed hard while Sesshomaru just stood there, waiting for him to get back up. When he did, Beowulf noticed that Sesshomaru hadn't bothered to draw either one of the two swords he had at his side. When Sesshomaru noticed were Beowulf was staring, he put on a cold smile and said "There is no need to waste a sword on a human like you" and he charged foward again. Beowulf tried to slash him, but Sesshomaru dodged and started to hit Beowulf repedatly with his claw. Beowulf finally dodged one of the attacks and used his "Shock!" attack on Sesshomaru, which inflicted upon him all the damage he had done to Beowulf. Slightly weakened Sesshomaru didn't get a chance to reach Beowulf before he casted his "Darkness" spell and suddenly Sesshomaru couldn't see. Thinking he had the advantage now, Beowulf charged Sesshmaru, but to his suprise, Sesshmaru blocked the attacka and picked him up by the throat. "How...how..did...you...k..kno...know..where..I was" Beowulf managed to say despite being choked. "I am a Dog Demon, and I have better senses than a mortal like you, so I could smell and hear you and figured out where you were" Sesshomaru said and put on a small smile. Then he threw Beowulf out of the ring and into a wall that was twenty-four feet away from the ring. With the fight easily won, Sesshomaru walked out of the ring and to the fighters gathering area.  
  
In the audience (like you didn't see this coming) a few strange things were happening. First, by some defiance of the laws of life, Vash and Legato were still playing the SAME game of tic-tac-toe. Also, Aeris the lovable flower girl (yeah I'm sucking up to Aeris, you got a problem with that!?!) was busy, while selling flowers but a dark and mysterious figure...oh wait! I'm sorry, here I was giving this cool description and it's only Rufus Shinra! I'm sorry everyone for making you think a REAL villian was here! (ouch! I burned Rufus! HAHAHAHA!) he noticed Aeris was actually making money selling flowers and, since he was used to running a monopoly, immediatly made Scarlet go sell flowers to so he could put Aeris out of business and Scarlet started to sell flowers for 100 gil instead of the 1 gil Aeris sells them for (because Aeris is a generous nice girl and Scarlets a slut) although Scarlet was selling a lot because she was giving nude pictures of herself along with the flowers (I said it once, I'll say it again, SCARLET IS A SLUT!). Unfortunatly for the "villians" everyone liked Aeris better and she made a lot more money than they did. Elsewhere in the audinece, the Turks were speaking to the FFVII people.  
  
"YoU gUYs arE ggggReaT!" Reno slurred. Everyone else was just getting annoyed with the drunken Turk. Then it happened, Cid Highwind did the worst thing anyone could possibly do. A momentary lose of good judgement meant the doom for all in the immediate vicinity. He asked Elena if she had a lighter since he had lost his. Then, she started to talk. "Well I used to have a lighter a few years ago, but then I lost it and put up a sign to see if anyone had found it but no one did so I got all depressed, then Tseng bought me a new because he was a nice guy but I left on his grave when he died since he didn't mysteriously come back like Aeris and Sephiroth and now I don't have a lighter but I remeber Reno used to have one but he left is somewhere and blah blah blah blah blah...." This continued for five minutes until everyone was on the verge of insanity. Everyone of the fighters and audience members could hear Elena and they were all planning on how to kill her (and Cid for getting her started). Knives tried to use his mind powers, but her annoying talking gave him a headache and he couldn't use any of his powers. Then everyone started to put cotton balls and other things in their ears so that they couldn't hear her, but this didn't work either. Eventually they all got to the point that they were about to kill themselves. The announcer had started to ram his head into a metal beam and fell to the ground in a coma (lucky bastard) while the others just moaned until finally, Tifa stood up and shoved her fist into Elena's face, knocking her out. The reation was instant. Everyone started to applaud and some people were planning a parade (yeah I know it's going a little far saying they were planning a parade for Tifa, but she is one of my favorite characters ever, and it's not because of her chest, so I thought I'd let people worship her a little (yes I'm am very weird)) While Cloud fened off all the guys trying to hit on Tifa (HAHA! Cloud got jealous and...hey wait a minute! that's a good idea for a fic! *runs off to plan fic*......*author runs back realizing he should finish this chatper before planning anything else* Anyway the crowd went back to normal a little while later. Then Reno started to talk again "WhOa, someONE actUally shUt Up ElENa!, AnD..WoW!" Reno then started staring at Tifa's chest for a few seconds. Then a few more. Then it started to get into the minutes. Finally, Tifa had enough and started to argue with Reno, which woke Elena up (GOOD GOD NO! PLEASE ANYTHING BUT THAT!) and everyone statrted to argue with the exceptions of Rude and Vincent, who both looked very annoyed.  
  
After a couple of minutes worth of arguing, Vincent had had it. "Will you all shut the @#$#@$ up before I $@#$ kill you all you #$@$@$^$#%$#%#^%^%^$#%$#^^%#^#%@$#^%^@#^%%$&&^#^&%$&^&^%&%$^%&^%$&%$^$#%$#^%$^^$%*&^(*&^#%$^$#@%$#^%&^^$&^%#^$#^&%$^#$%$#^%$^%$^$#@^%#@%&^%$^$#@%#$^%$&^$&%$^$#^ IDIOTS! AND YOUR $%#@$%$#%$#%#%$^$#%$#%$#@^%$#%$#@%$#%$#%$#@%$#@^#%$#%#@$^#@%$#%$#^#%$#^%$&%$^$#%$#%$#@^$#@%#@%$#@^%$#^#$%$#@%$#^%#^#$#^%#%&^@#^%$#^% LOSERS! YOU PIECES OF #$#@$$#@%$#^%#@%$#$@^%#^%^$#%$#^%$^$%#@^%&^^%$#^$&%$^$#%#&^%$^$#^#&^%$&^#^$#^%$#^$#%$#%$%#%$&^%$&$^$%$#&^$%*&&%^%$*&$^#&$# NOW SHUT UP OR I'LL TURN INTO CHAOS!" with that said Vincent sat down. Everyone else, even Rude, was just staring at him. The girls were blushing, the guys jaws were touching the ground (the actual ground, not the bleachers) and Cid looked teary eyed. Before anyone could ask what was wrong, he yelled out "NOW THERE'S SOMEONE WHO SWEARS WORST THAN ME #@$#@$#@%" Then Cid ran off crying. Everyone just stared after the old pilot, then glared at Vincent, who just shrugged like nothing happened. Elsewhere, there was a meeting amongst the staff of the event. "Ok the announcers out, so who gonna announce the battles" one crewman asked. Everyone looked at Aeris. "What" she asked, then realized what they were thinking and quickly said "Oh no I couldn't" they weren't litening and were already pushing her out in front of the crowd and saying she was the new announcer, to which everyone cheered wildly. Aeris just decided to accept it and told the audience before she started the next fight, she was going to do a little prayer to the Planet. She got into her normal praying position and started to pray before, and everyone joined in except the AVALANCHE people and Sephiroth who looked away, feeling a little bad about what had happend last time she was praying (although if you think about it, that wasn't even Sephiroth's fault since A) JENOVA and Hojo were manipulating Sephiroth to make him a monster and B) the Sephiroth that killed Aeris was Actually Sephiroth's shadow the he sent out because he was stuck in North Crater and could have very well been under the complete control of JENOVA and yes that means I don't really think Sephiroth was evil. A badass yes, evil no) Suddenly, Sephiroth heard a voice in his head 'Kill her son, you enjoyed it so much last time' then the voice laughed while Sephiroth responded 'Get out of my head you freak!, I'm not gonna do your bidding anymore!' the voice simply responded 'Now is that anyway to talk to your FATHER!' then the voice of Hojo broke out into an uncontrollable laughter....  
  
Priview for Next Chapter:  
  
Will Sephiroth be manipulated by Hojo? Will Aeris get killed again? Is this fic starting to develop a plot? Will Vash and Legato ever finish their game? and how much crazier can the audinece get? Stay tuned for another exciting chapter of "Swordsman Tournament"  
  
A/N: Once again I need to thank AnnatheAncient for the ideas. If you hadn't given them to me, I never would have updated so fast. Oh and sorry about the cliffhanger, but it just sounded good to me, even though it means adding a little bit of seriousness to this story. So do you want to see the story get a little serious? or do you want me to find a funny way out of the current situation? Put your answear in your reviews please! 


	7. Yeah! The fics NOT devloping a plot! or ...

Disclaimer: You should have figured out by now I don't own anything. If you didn't, I suggest you go back to the fifth grade or get your head examined...by a baseball bat.  
  
A/N: I have 14 reviews! This is doing pretty good for a story I was sure no one would like. Thanks again to all my reviewers (god I hope thats how you spell that) and I would like to thank AnnatheAncient for reviewing my last chapter twice (although the second review was just an add-on to the first, I'm grateful anyway) and thanks to my new reviewer silvawolf who just got done reviewing chapter 2. Thanks again for the suggestions and ideas and I hope everyone likes the new chapter. Oh and don't worry if you rant in my reviews, I really don't mind. Also thanks to Haruko-2020 for reviewing. I liked your idea, but by the time I read it, I already had this chapter written. Don't worry, however, because like I said I really liked it and I will try to find a way to throw it in later.   
  
Story: Swordsman Tournament  
  
Chapter 7: Sephiroth's choice! and the duel ends!....or does it?  
  
"NO!", "YES", "NO", "YES!", "NO NO NO AND THAT'S FINAL!!!" That was the short conversation between Sephiroth and Hojo before Hojo gave up. "Fine, you won't do it, than I guess I WILL! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" That instant, Sephiroth decided he was going to kill Hojo....hmmm....maybe he should go talk to Vincent.... Meanwhile, Aeris had finished her little prayer when a mysterious figure came out of the audience. "Now I will kill the ancient!" Hojo laughed and was about to run out and shoot Aeris with the gun he mysteriously pulled out of thin air, when someone approached him. "Hojo, do you have any lard?" said the figure, who turned out to be the fat little loser Palmer. "No I don't you..." Hojo trailed off as he suddenly remembered that Palmer was the one who mysteriosley gets him by a truck. Without any warning, a truck came crashing by and hit Hojo and Palmer, sending them flying in the air. A few feet away, a snickering little ninja named Yuffie walked away, putting her "Truck" summon materia back in her bag (yeah I know, that's not a materia but I always wondered where that truck that hit Palmer came from, so I made this up).  
  
With Hojo temporarily (yes he'll be back) disposed off, everyone was ready to relax when a loud yell came from the audience. "I WON! I WON! I WON I WON I WON!" Vash was celebrating his tic-tac-toe victory while Legato was just grumbling. Then an idea hit Legato, "OWWWW! oh wait, Hey Vash!!" Legato said, quickly recovering from the pain of getting hit by an idea. "What?" Vash asked him, still victory dancing. "Best two of ouf three" Legato said with a grin. Before anyone could stop him, Vash yelled "Sure!, Alright more games!" While everyone else just sweatdropped. Elsewhere, two of the fighters were gathered around a table in the fighters area. Cloud and Inuyahsa were trying to stare each other down. They were both arguing about who was better (the argument started when Inuyasha mentioned his sword could transform into a huge sword) and now they looked like they were about to come to blows. "Knock it off you two!" Aeris yelled. Both Cloud and Inuyasha continued to try to stare the other down, with no success. Finally, Aeris convinced them to have a friendly competition (you know, one where no one dies a horrible and painful death) and the two warriors reluctantly (Sephiroth decided to help convince them *evil grin*) agreed. Then it was decided what kind of match they would have. So they decided on the only logical way to prove who was better. They were going to have a Ramen eating contest....  
  
Away from the amazing displays of stupidity, Aeris was in the center of the ring trying to annoucne the next fight, well the audienced just kept cheering (because there is a lot of Aeris fans in the audience). Unfortunatly, this loud applause blocked out the sound of Hojo's laughter (oh my god! he came back in the same chapter!). He know had a sniper rifle that had a strange green liquid (I give you one guess what that is) in it, and Hojo was determined to finish Aeris off. He was just getting ready to aim, when two figures snuck up on him. He didn't realize they were there until one of them tapped him on his back. "WHAT DO YOU WANT......" Hojo said as he whirled around and noticed who the two people were. Sephiroth and Vincent (hell yeah!) were both standing there with their arms crossed, looking like they were about to kill someone (I wonder who?). Hojo, however, didn't show any fear. "I knew you would try to stop me so I prepared something special for you two!" and with that, Hojo blew a whistle and a bunch of crazy fangirls (No offense it intended for any crazy fangirls reading this fic) jumped on Vincent and Sephiroth, pinning them to the ground. Hojo started to laugh again, "Funny isn't it! Your're gonna be fail because of your own fans!" and Hojo started to aim again, getting a bead on Aeris (in case you don't know, that means he has her in the scopes sights). Sephiroth, however, started to laugh. This annoyed Hojo so he asked what was so funny. "Well, we may have a lot of fans to pin us down, but YOU'VE got a lot of haters who would be more than happy to kill you!". Hojo looked around him to see a large group of Hojo haters all with many diffrent kind of weapons. "Oh shit" Hojo said as the group of Hojo haters began to beat the life out of him, and Sephiroth and Vincent barley got away from the fangirls.  
  
Now in the ring were the fighters for the next match, Ramza and Dante. Ramza pulled out his shield and Chaos Blade while Dante readied his sword Alastor and prepared to draw Ebony and Ivory (you know, his handguns!). Then the fight began....  
  
Priview for Next Chapter:  
  
What will Hojo try next? Will he ever succed? Who will win the duel between Ramza and Dante? Will Cloud or Inuyasha win the Ramen contest? Will Vash ever get a brain? Why am I still asking this stupid questions?   
  
A/N: I hope everyone likes the new chapter. Please tell me what you think of the Hojo thing, because that felt a little akward to write and I don't know if it came out good. It was a good idea, but if anyone has any ideas for how Hojo should try to kill Aeris (and fail miserably of course!) Then please leave them in your reviews. Also please vote on who wins the Ramen contest. Till next time, Bye! Sorry if it took a long time to post this, but my computer has been messing up a lot latley so I had trouble getting on the Internet. Hopefully I'll have the problem fixed soon and I'll be able to update faster. 


	8. A New Jenova! and a evil duo appears!

Disclaimer: You know what SCREW IT! I sick of writing a disclaimer so this is the last one. Now just to make sure everyone understands I DO NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO FINAL FANTASY VII (the greatest game ever made) I DO HOWEVER OWN A COPY OF THE GAME.  
  
A/N: WOW!!! My review just jumped from 14 to 20 in a just a few days! I'm so happy *gets a little teary eyed* Anyways *back to normal, or as normal I get* I loved everybody's suggestions so I decided to update really fast. Oh and I have great news! I got another new reviewer *fireworks mysteriously appear in background* So thanks to my new reviewer, The Ominpotent! and of course thaks to my other reviewers Haruko-2020 and AnnatheAncient. Oh and thanks to silvawolf for reviewing chapters 3,4, and 5. Now without any futher stalling on my part, on with the story! Oh wait there something I forgot to mention. For everyone who remembers I had Vash put a shock collar on Knives. I couldn't remember where I got the idea until I re-read one of my favorite fics. So for the shock collar idea, I would like to give credit to Aeris-TheWhiteMageofCetras and if your curious as to which fic it is, just go to my favorites list and pick the one about Aeris birthday. Seriously read it its really funny.  
  
Story: Swordsman Tournament  
  
Chapter Eight: A new Jenova! and what is going on in the audience!  
  
Ramza was currently hiding behind his shield, trying to figure out why Dante hadn't run out of bullets yet. Dante just continued to fire round after round at Ramza, while Ramza blocked them with his shield. A few of the bullets hit Ramza, but thanks to the Chaos Blades Regen effect he quickly healed from the minor injuries. Not knowing what to do, Ramza thought very carefully, trying to think of the best one of his Squire moves that could get him out of this situation. Knowing he couldn't charge Ultima without buying some time (it only costs three bucks on street corners now) Ramza did the next best thing. He threw a rock. Luckily, the rock hit Dante on his head. To be more specific, right in the eye (Ramza was a good shot, thanks to the time I made him spend as an Archer). While Dante was busy screaming in pain, Ramza started to charge his spell. As soon as Dante recovered he was prepared to shoot Ramza again. Ramza quickly casted the Ultima spell, which sent Dante flying in the air. Unfortunaley for Ramza, Dante used the Alastor to transform mid-air into his demon form that could fly. When Dante transformed, however, his guns landed outside the ring, making it impossible for him to get them back. Dante started to shoot off lightning bolt sytle things, but Ramza dodged them and using his secondary skill "Throw" hit Dante with a whole bunch of shrikens. When Dante landed, Ramza charged him and tackled him, sending both of them out of the ring. Everyone was silent as Aeris went to examine the situation. Then she got on the stage and said "Ramza's the winner!" A furious looking Dante marched on the stage and demanded to know why "Because you hit the ground before he did" Aeris replied. Dante looked really mad, but suddenly two figures appeared in front of him and stopped him from getting any closer to Aeris.   
  
The two figures revealed themselves to be.........Sephiroth and Vincent!! They had on their usal atire but were now also wearing cool looking sunglasses. "What are you two doing here?" Aeris asked. "Were your bodyguards because Hojo keeps trying to kill you" Sephiroth said then went back to trying to get rid of Dante. Dante just got mad and walked off, cursing to himself the whole time, while Ramza got on the stage really excited like and started to do a victory dance (he stole it from Cloud). Speaking of the devil (Ifrit appears and says "yo" then disappears) Okaaayyyy anyways Cloud and Inuyasha looked like they were ready to start their little contest when three new people walked up. "Hey, can we join in" one of the figures, whose name was Goku, said. One of the others just sighed and said "Shut up, Kakarot" (I'll give you one guess who that was) Vegeta said. "No problem" Cloud said and they got out some more Ramen for the three new people, Goku,Vegeta, and Gohan (Gohan is my Favorite DBZ character, oh and in case your wondering, when I say Gohan I mean Gohan from when he fought Cell because Gohan got a little weird after he got older but he's still my favorite character!) Anyway, they were about to start when a loud yelling was heard. Somewhere out of the crowd, Hojo was running towards the ring with a knife in his hand, planning on running up and stabbing Aeris. Halfway there, however, he tripped and stabbed himself with the knife. Meanwhile in the audience, the still very drunk Reno was showing off his rod (you know which one I mean so get your minds out of the gutter!) and bragging about how he could shoot bolts of lightning now, when he accidentally shot one and it hit Hojo. For some unknown reason Hojo just said "I would have gotten away with it too if it hadn't been for those meddling Turks!" (Thank you AnnatheAncient for that wonderful idea!) Then Aeris ran up and started to beat his head in with the Princess Guard. Then the now five contestents started the Ramen eating contest. It started out even, then Goku and Inuyasha started to take the lead. After finishing his current pack of Ramen (The contest was who could eat the most Ramen in the least amount of time) he opened up a new pack and stuck a fork in it. Strangly an "OWWW!" was heard from the Ramen. The contest immediatly stopped (except Goku, who was still eating) and from the container a mysterious creature appeared. It looked familiar, and then Cloud recognized it. "JENOVA!!!" he shouted, and got his sword ready. "Yes" the now badly burnt and brusied Hojo said "This is the newest JENOVA creature and its name is.......Jenova-RAMEN!!!" Everyone just stood there staring for a little bit. Then they all fell over laughing. They stopped laughing when the new Jenova wrapped Cloud, Inuyasha, and Vincnet up in its Ramen-like tentacles. "Now Jenova, manipulate Sephiroth!!" Hojo yelled then started to laugh with evil joy. Sephiroth started to do the Cloud Strife freakout and then was under Jenova's control. He started towards Aeris with his sword drawn, while she backed away with a nervous look on her face. "Sephiroth gonna get Aeris, quick someone do something!" Cloud yelled. Then, just as Sephiroth was about to reach Aeris, Gohan had an idea. He quickly flew off, then came back with a huge boulder. Then he threw the boulder at Sephiroth, which hit him and sent him flying into one of the stadium walls with bouler covering up the hole he made. "Well that takes care of that, now we have to get rid of this thing!" Then Tifa ran up and yelled up to them "Don't worry, I'll take care of it!!" then she summoned the Knights of the Round, but due to its Ramen like form, Jenova managed to avoid the attack. "Great Job, Wench!" Inuyasha yelled at her. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY!?!" yelled a really pissed looking Cloud. Vincent tried to calm Cloud down but then got an idea. "Inuyaha, come on we have to get Cloud really mad!" Vincent yelled to him. "Why?" Inuyasha yelled back. "Just do it!!" Vincnet yelled then proceded to yell really bad things about Cloud which got him angrier. When Inuyasha did it too, Cloud just got REALLY pissed and yelled out "OMNISLASH" and tried to hit Vincent and Inuyasha with it. Since they were wrapped up in the tentacles of Jenova, however, Cloud hit it instead and quickly killed Jenova-RAMEN. Now Cloud was chasing around Inuyasha and Vincent, planning on hurting them very much. The whole time this happened Goku just kept eating....  
  
In the audience, once again Vash the Stampede started to yell. "I WON AGAIN! I WON AGIAN! I WON AGAIN!" Vash was screaming out loud. Legato looked like he was about to say something when Meryl interupted him "NO! you are not going to challenge Vash to anymore games! Now get lost!" Then they all started to argue, which annoyed everyone else to the point that finally everyone just yelled for them to shut up. When they wouldn't listen, Tifa (who was back in the audience after he attempt to kill Jenova-RAMEN with KoTR) threatened to beat them up it they wouldn't shut up. "Oh yeah! and what are you gonna do about it slut!" Legato yelled. This was a very bad thing to say as I'm sure most of you already know. Tifa got pissed off and ran up to Leagto. Befroe he could say anyting or use any of his mind powers, Tifa pulled off her full combo and sent him flying with the "Final Heavan" attack. Legato landed in a heap on the ground, when suddenly someone tripped over him. "Watch what your doing yo.." Hojo said then stopped when he noticed it was that guy from the audiecne who seemed really evil. "Hey are you a villian?" Hojo asked him. "Yeah, why?" Legato answeared, still in a lot of pain. "Want to team up?" Hojo asked with a wicked grin. "Only if you help me free master" Legato said. "Sure, we'll free your master, than he can help to!" Hojo said, than gave Leagto an X-Potion. Then the two of them walked off to do some scheming....  
  
Priview for Next Chapter:  
  
What will come from this new team of villians? Will They be able to free Knives from Vash ever watchful ey...Oh is that donuts! *author starts chewing on donuts, then talking with mouthful* tum in nemt time four these answeers am more om the nemt "Wordsman ornament"  
  
A/N: I hope everyone likes the new chapter! Remeber your reviews and suggestions help me to update faster so please review and don't be afraid to leave any suggestion because I'll do my best to find a way to use them. Till next time, Bye! 


	9. The evil duo beocomes a trio! Hojos stup...

Disclaimer:"...................................!", Thank you Rude for doing the disclaimer!  
  
A/N: My number of review keeps going up! Soon I'll be strong enough to rule the world! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! (realizes he just said his plan out loud)..uhh...anyways I would once again like to thank my reviewers. First one up would be..*drumroll*..AnnatheAncinet! Next up is silvawolf who reviewed chapters 6, 7, and 8! (oh and by the way, you can go ahead and used the "Truck" summon for your fic) Also I have another new reviewer...Cloti81953! thanks for reviewing my first two chapters. Oh and The Omnipotent reviewed again. That reminds me I'M REALLY SORRY FOR MISSPELLING YOUR NAME LAST TIME I THANKED YOU FOR A REVIEW! Well now that I got that done, on with the the show! (show? I thought this was a fic? *shrugs* oh well)  
  
Story: Swordsman Torunament (does anyone think I need to come up with a better title? If you do, leave suggestions in reviews please!)  
  
Chapter Nine: Knives is out! and Hojo comes up with a new scheme?  
  
"OWWIEEE!" the Great Sephiroth was yelling with teary eyes, as Aeris bandaged up his head (in case your forgot from last chapter, Sephiroth+Boulder=OUCH!). Nearby Vincent and Inuyasha were also getting bandaged up. "You just couldn't stop, could you?" Vincent said in an irritated voice to Inuyasha. "What do you mean?" Inuyasha replied, with a slight edge to his voice. "Oh lets see, how about you getting us beat up!!" Vincent yelled at him. Inuyasha started to think about this, and it caused a flashback (the following flashback is from between chapters activity so please don't go looking for it......I like donuts!)  
  
**Flashback**  
  
Cloud had caught up to Inuyasha and Vincent with a mad glare in his eye (remember, he was chasing them at the end of the last chapter) and he was about to beat them over the head with a large stick he found (and by large I mean a really big stick that could probably be used as a staff) when Vincent tired to reason with him. "Come on Cloud, calm down!" Vincent said, then continued "We only said those things so you'd get mad and OMNISLASH that Jenova thing" Vincent said in his cold and calm voice. "Oh, so thats why you kept saying all that bad stuff about me, and why he (Cloud pointed at Inuyasha) called Tifa a wench" Cloud said, seemingly calm. "NO! I called her a wench because she is one, and judging by how unaffective that attack was, shes an idiot too!" Inuyasha yelled, worried that if they thought he hadn't meant it they would think he was soft. Unfortunaley this ticked Cloud off again, and before Vincent could shut up Inuyasha or get out of the way, Cloud had used the stick to OMNISLASH both of them leaving many bruises on the poor duo.  
  
**End Flashback**  
  
"Wasn't my fault!" Inuyasha yelled and he and Vincent got into an argument. During this time, an evil plan was being made. A plan to trick Vash the Stampede, to free his evil brother and....uh....well.....actually they didn't plan anything past that, but still it was a diabolical and..ah who am I kidding? Hojo and Legato came up with a completly simple plan that any normal idiot would be able to see through. Unfortunatly, as we all know (or at least those of us that watch "Trigun") Vash isn't your normal kind of idiot. So as Vash was sitting in his seat next to Knives, and the insurances girls were off doing....something that girls do, the evil duo of Hojo and Legato began their plan. Which consisted of a box of donuts tied to a string attached to a fishing rod. So they threw the box of donuts as far as they could, while making sure it went in front of Vash's face. Being who he is, Vash started to chase after the donuts, leaving Knives unattended. Legato snuck up and started to release Knives, while Hojo kept Vash busy with the box of donuts. Although they managed to free Knives from his constraints, he still had on the shock collar. Thinking quickly (OWWW!) Legato put a dummy that was supposed to look like Knives in his former seat. Unfortunatly, SUPPOSED to look like and looking like are to very diffent things. In actuallity, it was a straw dummy with only a shirt on that had "Knives" written on it to. The handwriting was also very bad and the "K" was facing the wrong way. Then the three villians ran off, after letting go of the fishing pole, allowing Vash to get to the donuts.   
  
Vash returned to his seat, with a new box of donuts. He noticed "Knives" and after saying a quick hello went to eating his donuts (I know Vash is supposed to be really smart, but sometimes he acts like a complete idiot). When Meryl and Milly got back, they immediatly noticed that "Knives" was a fake. Meryl asked (a.k.a. yelled at) Vash were Knives was. When Vash told her he was right next to him, she had to resist the strong urge to strangle the sometimes idiotic hero. When she tried to convince Vash that that wasn't Knives (once again yelling) Vash didn't believe her. So she proved it the only way she could. She ripped the shirt off of the Knives dummy. Vash was about to yell at her till he looked at the dummy and exclaimed "THAT'S NOT KNIVES!!!" and everyone facefell. Meanwhile, Knives was getting intoduced to his new ally and planning on hiring some more villians to help him to destroy all the spiders (which the villians were to dumb to realize, included them). While Knives was off making some phone calls, Hojo prepared for his next plan to kill Aeris. He decided to use one of his secret weapons. Actually, it wasn't so secret. Hojo stole a helicopter (Rufus' since he is there) and flew to Midgar. There he got the Sister Ray ready to fire (he seems to have forgoten to warn his "allies" about this attack). Unfortunatly for Hojo, and fortunatly for everyone else because everyone hates Hojo, the Sister Ray explodes if fired more than once with all of those Mako Reactors. Oddly enough, no one at the arena noticed the green mushroom cloud (an actually cloud, not the character) in the distance. Then Hojo landed in the center of the ring when Aeris was about to announce the final fight of the first round. Since everyone hates Hojo, especially Vincent and Sephiroth and their Aeris' bodyguards, they dragged him off and eveyone else ignored the horrible screams of pain Hojo was soon uh..screaming. Anyway, Aeris annoucned the final fight between Agrias and Squall. The two new fighters walked onto the ring and prepared to face off with one another...  
  
Priview for Next Chapter:  
  
Agrias and Squall fight! Will this new evil trio be able to recruit more allies (think other villians from other FF's and possibly other Animes)? What will Vash do now that he has realized Knives is gone? Will I ever get back to the FF7 crew and the Turks? To find out stay tuned for..(notices something) RAMEN! (eats ramen) the next exciting episode of "Swordsman Tournament" (seriously, if anyone has any ideas for a better title, I'm all for it)  
  
A/N: Man it took me a while to update again! Anyway, I want to thank my reviewers and hopefully I'll be able to update faster thanks to break. Oh and I didn't say anything during the fic, but the characters will win something. I never annoucned it because I want it to be a suprise. Oh and silvawolf had the idea that Hojo should try to take over the fic. I think this is a good idea, but I can't think of a way to put it in, mostly because I'm trying to avoid a self-insert. So if anyone has any ideas on how Hojo can try to take over the fic, I'm all for them. Oh and if you want me to insert myself, tell me or I'll assume you don't want me to. Anyway, review please and until next time Bye! 


	10. The Villians are here! What is going to...

Disclaimer: You realize that I don't own FF7 don't you. What? You think I own it? Well then I've got a great hobby for you, now I'm going to throw a stick out in the middle of traffic during rush hour and I want you to get it. Hopefully you've been praticing at your Frogger abilities.  
  
A/N: Sorry it took so long to update, but things get crazy around my house at Christmas (also I got a bunch of new games and got a little lazy). Anyway now its time to thank my reviewers so thanks AnnatheAncient, silvawolf, and Haruko-2020 for reviewing my last chapter. Great news everybody, I've got a new source of inspiration and its a.....LavaLamp (the only problem is that wasn't a joke). Well anyway, your probably all tired of my rambling (looks at audience who are all sleeping) dammit! Ok then on with the fic!  
  
Story: Swordsman Tournament  
  
Chapter Ten: Its Finally over.....hold on a sec! Wasn't that just the first round? *sits puzzled*  
  
Agrias and Squall were preparing to face off as Aeris stood in the center of the ring, annoucing the fight (since she is the annoucner....why the hell did I add this little author note *puzzled*). Agrias was preparing a spell, well Squall checked to see what GF's he had equipped and how many of each spell he had (I always thought that whole "Draw" your spells thing was stupid). When Aeris said the fight was to begin and got off the ring, they started their battle. Agrias started off casting Wall on herself to better absorb damage while Squall tried to end it quickly by charging up Bahamut (you know, they have to sit their and wait for the summons). Agrias managed to cast Wall just before she was hit by Bahamuts Mega Flare attack and luckily the wall blocked most of the damage, leaving her with only minor injuries. Agrias realized that since she didn't have summoning abilities and could only cast White Magic that she had to rely on her Holy Sword skills to defeat Squall. So she tried to hit him with Holy Explosion, but he dodged it and charged foward. He swung his gunblade while Agrias blocked with the shield. He managed to pull the trigger at the right time and the added force to the blow broke Agrias shield in half. Unfortuantly for Squall, this also left an opeining for Agrias counter attack. She quickly blasted him with the Holy Explosion techniques which confused him. Then she used Lightning Stab which silenced him. By this time he had recovered from his confusion, but the silence prvented him from casting any spells. Squall tried to charge at Agrias again, but she quickly sidestepped the attack. As Squall went past her, she hit him with the Stasis Sword, putting the Stop status effect on him. She quickly charged up the Holy spell well Squall was still recovering and just as he recovered from the Stop, she hit him with Holy which sent him out of the ring.  
  
Meanwhile (I use that word a lot, don't I?) a very badly beaten Hojo was returing to his secret hiding spot where he met up with Knives and Legato, who were both wearing big grins. He asked them what they were so happy about and they both happily (while Knives happily, Legato was just less depressed than usual) informed him that they had recruited some new allies. Than they started to introduce the new idiots..er..villians to Hojo. They were, a man in a baboon suit (Naraku from Inuyasha), a woman in a priestess outfit (Kikyo from Inuyasha), A big pink guy (Majin Buu from DBZ, oh and I mean the tall and skinny one, not the fat Buu) and a few people who looked like they should be in some kind of western setting. "Who the hell are they?" Hojo asked, pointing (its not nice to point *grin*) at the people who looked like they should be in a western setting (must name them soon *huff* can't keep writing that long *cough* name *passes out*).............*wakes up* "Those are the Gung-Ho Guns!" Knives annouced, looking happy (wait Knives is happy! RUN!). "Didn't they all die?" Hojo asked and Knives responded "Well didn't you?" Hojo just got an irritated look on his face and said "NO! I used Jenova cells to clone myself and the heros killed my clone!" Then he started to laugh in a manical (and annoying) way. "You see, that's why their back!" Knives said, still smiling (getting kinda creeped out here) "What do you..." Hojo trailed off as realization hit him (OWWW!). "YOU!" he said, pointing at Knives "Injected them with Jenova cells, didn't you?" Hojo demanded to know, and Knives just happily nodded, thinking the know more powerful Gung-Ho Guns could defeat his brother. "Well anyway, we need to make a name for our group" Legato said in hit monotonus voice. So they started to think up a name for their new group and came up with nicknames for themselves. They were also planning on gaining another member...  
  
Elsewhere (HA! I bet you thought I was gonna say "meanwhile" didn't you!?!), Cloud was talking with Sephiroth (before you freak out, in this fic I'm gonna have Cloud and Sephiroth be more like rivals than mortal enemies) well Aeris was talkingj to all of her friends and Tifa was hitting on Reno (before you get any funny ideas, I mean that literally). The Turks were also talking with the group, well Elena was talking (NOOOOOOOO!) since Rude doesn't talk much and Reno was currently getting his face beat in for making an obscene comment towards Tifa (I leave what he said to your imagainations). Sephiroth suddenly started to act a little strange and he told the other he was going to check something out. Getting a little worried by his strange behaviour, Tifa, Vincent, Aeris, and Cloud started to follow him. Sephiroth didn't see them and he started to walk into the stadium (just so you know, think of this stadium as being like a baseball park or something like that). Sephiroth was roaming the abadodned halls , trying to find whatever was giving him this strange feeling. He cursed himself for being lured in here at the same time since the walls had a magic blocking effect to prevent anyone from casting spells within the stadium. He continued to walk down the hall, tracking the source of the strange feeling he had suddenly got well talking to his friends. Then he heard a horrible laugh that he wished he would never hear again. "So the Great Sephiroth has been reduced to this" He heard Hojo saying, souding like there was pity in his voice. "You used to be great, and now your friends with the very people that defeated you" Hojo continued, while Sephiroth just got angrier by the minute. "You know, I could make you strong again" Hojo said with a happy tone to his voice, "Just join us and I'll give you all of your old powers back". Hojo was still in the shadows smiling, happy with his little speech to Sephiroth until he heard Sephiroth laughing. Hojo started to get irritated and came out of the shadows, wearing a very weird costume (its basically his labcoat with a White Cape on his back). Of course, Sephiroth saw what Hojo was wearing and started to laugh some more. Hojo just got even more irritated and decided to introuduce his entire group. Sephiroth stopped laughing as the whole group walked out, but then he immediatly started to laugh again as they were all wearing funny outfits (except Buu, but he looks silly on his own). Hojo got really mad now and he yelled at Sephirtoh telling him to shut up. Sephiroth stopped laughing and pulled out his Masamune, ready to kill the would-be team of villians with one attack. Then he remebered the magic barrier and realized he couldn't use Supernova. Hojo just laughed and said "So you don't want to join us?" and when Sephiroth strated to glare at him he turned around and walked off saying "Fine, but its your funreal" Then all the villians left except one. Buu was still standing their and Sephiroth looked like he was ready to fight. Buu laughed and prepared to fight Sephiroth, wondering what kind of candy he should turn him into...  
  
Priview for Next Chapter:  
  
Can Sephiroth survive a one on one battle against Buu without his magic? What kind of plans does Hojo have, now that he has allies? Will Cloud and the others arrive in time to help Sephiroth? All of these questions and more will be answeared in the next exciting episode (shouldn't it be chapter?) of "Swordsman Tournament"  
  
A/N: Once again, I'm sorry it took so long to update. Anyway, I thank everyone that reviewed and should inform you that I'm not going to stop working on this fic just because I stated another one. Now thats out of the way, does anyone have any suggestions for the name of the group of villians. I already got one from Haruko-2020 but I'm still open to other possibilites. Also ideas for the villians nicknames would be appreciated. Oh and as for the changing the title thing, so far I have one voter for leave it the same and two suggestions for a net title. The suggestions are "Of Battles, Mishaps, and Donuts" and "The Good, The Bad, and The Plain Stupid" It would be very much appreciated if people would vote on whether they want the title to stay the same, or if they want one of those two choices. As a quick note, this isn't necessary but I'd like to make a quick request of everbody. One of my reviewers silvawolf has a fic called "YUFFIE'S CURE" and she having trouble getting review for it. I was just wonding if any of you want to read it and help silvawolf get some more reviews. I thinks its pretty good, and its really random so I think you might like it. Oh I will insert myself next chapter since I got some positive votes for the idea and no one said I shouldn't. Well thats all I have to say so until next update, (which will be a lot sooner) Bye Everybody! 


	11. Something just happened! Oh wait you mis...

Disclaimer:Do I have to write this?........fine...I don't own anything in this fic except me and my insanity  
  
A/N: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I'M IN SCHOOL AGAIN!!! Well that sucks! Anyways, sorry about the time it took to update, but I had to really plan this chapter out since I'm going to be in it (I haven't decided if I'm going to keep myself in the story or just put myself in for one chapter than remove myself again) Well like always I need to thank my loyal army of reviewers so thanks to silvawolf, AnnatheAncient, and Haruko-2020 for reviewing. Oh and just so everyone knows, the vote for changing the title is currently tied between don't change, and "Of Battles, Mishaps, and Donuts" so more votes their would be welcomed. I'm also curious about something, does anyone think I should change this fic to Humor/General for its Genre because I was orginally planning on focusing on the fights more, but the humors to much fun and I starting to think I should change the genre thing. Anyway, I'll stop boring you know and say, ON WITH THE FIC!!!   
  
Story: Swordsman Tournament  
  
Chapter Eleven: More Stuff Happens! I'm starting to think I suck at Chapter titles...  
  
Sephiroth and Buu were standind face to face, waiting for the other one to make him move. Buu decided to start by using his that beam thing that comes out of his head and turns things to chocalate. Sephiroth dodged it, but was suprised when he saw it strike a vending machine and turn it into chocalate. Now a little freaked out, Sephiroth decided to not let this guy do that again and started to charge at him. Buu just smirked and stretched out one of his arms, which just kept growing as it was racing towards Sephiroth (for anyone who doesn't watch DBZ or hasn't seen it far enough to know about Buu, just imagaine him to be kinda like Bubblegum, as in he can stretch and when you cut him there's no blood and he can heal almost any wound instantly). Sephiroth was once again suprised by his ability to stretch his arm to any length, but quickly dodged the arm and sliced it off. Buu looked like he had a pained look on his face, while Sephiroth noticed there was no blood and kept charging Buu to finish him off. Buu kept that suprised and pained look on his face, as Sephiroth ran up to him and sliced him in half. What Sephiroth didn't notice was that Buu had started to smile once he turned around. As Sephiorth was walking away from the remanins of Buu, thinking he'd destroyed them, he was immediatly thrown foward by something hitting him in the back of the head. He turned around and got wide-eyed when he saw the arm he'd servered from Buu floating there, waiting to hit him again. He also saw Buu's legs standing up on their own while Buu's top half just floated. Sephiroth started to think that he might be in trouble...  
  
Elsewhere (oh yeah! I didn't say "meanwhile"! *does a little victory dance*) Hojo was sitting with his other villians and their newest member (I didn't mean Sephiroth when I said they were going to try to get a new member) who was a very feared villian. He had the power to paralyze any of the main heros with fear (by main, I mean the main characters in the games and animes) he was a villian that most people feared. The group was preparing for their next scheme which involved, taking over the fic!!! (I finally got to it) and to do this they were going to kidnap the author!!! (Wait a minute! I'M THE AUTHOR AHHHHHHHHH! *runs into a randomly placed pole and gets knocked out*). So they decided to sneak away from they really really secret hiding place to go capture the author and then...uh....well.....they hadn't really planned that far ahead, but they were going to do something! Anyway they snuck off while Buu kept Sephiorth destracted and started to look for the author. Meanwhile (dammit! I said "meanwhile" again), Sephiroth stared at Buu, still in shock as he saw the strange creature pull itself together. Sephiroth decided to try and finish the creature again, and started to charge at Buu, but didn't get far as he was quickly slammed into the wall by a fast kick from Buu. Starting to get exhausted, Sephiroth couldn't understand how Buu could keep fighting like he was without wearing himself out. Sephiroth also realized that he couldn't defeat Buu without magic and that he had to escape from this battle. Before he could plan out his escape, he noticed that Buu was doing something. When he looked at the strange pink creature, he got wide eyed as he saw a glowing ball of energy in each of its hands. Before he could get out of the way, put threw the balls of energy at him, knocking him back into the wall and hurting him so much he collapsed on one knee and had to use the Masamune to support his weight. He looked up as Buu kept getting closer and closer, never removing the grin from his face. As Buu stood right in front of him, preparing to finish him off, Sephiroth suprised Buu by swinging his sword upward and cutting the creature in half. Taking advantage of the moment, Sephiroth quickly sliced Buu several more times and then ran off, knowing he couldn't finish the creature right now.  
  
Meanwhile (dammit!), Hojo and his cronies had located the author. They now believed he was in the big booth near the top of the stadium with the big sign saying "Author is in here" on it. Now they weren't entirley sure the author was there, but that was because their idiots. Anyway, they snuck up to the author's box and quietly sneaked in (except the fact that Hojo kept shouting "JENOVA!!!" every ten seconds) then they noticed someone else in the room who hadn't noticed their presence (hey, I stop paying attention to things around me when I write, so what!). Anyway they were about to strike when............(who thats a lot of periods) lightning struck them. Yes I'm serious as the villians so found out as they stared at a very pissed author who doesn't like being snuck up on and smites those that try (I like smiting things. Its fun). Come to think of it, I need to describe myself now don't I....hmm....well I've got brown hair, blue eyes.....I'm really pale and I'm tall and skinny and that's the best description your getting. Anyway back to the fic, I (there I inserted myself) was standing over the villians (or idiots whichever you prefer) with an evil smile on my face. Just as I was about to get to some much deserved smiting, Hojo laughed and pointed at the door. I had missed one of the villians and it was one of the scariest villians alive. I recoiled as even my really cool author powers where no match for something this evil. I could only try to hide as they capturped me and were suprised that yet another of their idiotic plans worked (wait a minute, I got caught! Damn this sucks...oh well back to the fic). As Sephiroth met up with Cloud and the others and told them about Hojo's new team, a suprise announcement came over the speakers (ohhhhh ahhhhhh). Hojo's voice was heard saying "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHHA! Now I control this fic! and theirs nothing you can do about it! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" but his evil laugh was soon interupted by someone saying "Yeah there is, all they got to do is free that author we capturped" which got suprise gasps from the heros and a loud smaking noise over the p.a. "Shut Up Idiot!" Hojo yelled then continued with his little speach thing "We, the Hojo gang, now contorl.." but his speech was again cut off by someone saying "but I want to be called the Powerpuff Boys". This resulted in a long silence then a sarcastic remark that no one heard over the speakers "Excelent Idea Author, we will be called....Villians in Rainbow Tuxedos and White Capes!" Which got another long pause before the heros decided to find the author before anything even stupider than this happened...  
  
Priview for Next Chapter:  
  
Will I get freed? Will the villians ever stop acting so stupied? What the hell is going on? All these and more on the next exciting episode of....hey wait! If I'm in the fic..then....who..is...writing...this! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *runs into another pole*  
  
A/N: Well I hope everyone liked it. By the way the Rainbow Tuxedo name was actually thought up by Haruko-2020 and didn't come from my own head so please don't think I'm trying to steal peoples ideas (although it was a suggestion so I used as I thought best). Anyway I'll try to update soon and I hope everyone liked the new chapter. 


	12. Where am I? Who am I? Where's the barrel...

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.....except the WORLD! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
A/N: Hello everyone! I finally updated so please don't kill me! The Finals got in the way of my fic. Anyway, time to thank the reviewers, first up is AnnatheAncient, then its Haruko-2020, and finally silvawolf. On a sidenote Haruko-2020, silvawolf asked me to thank you for reviewing "YUFFIE'S CURE" after I put up that little request so thanks! Anyway, I'll get on with the fic now before you all kill me *sees audinecs all have various weapons* oh no *starts to run for his life*  
  
Story: Swordsman Tournament (GOD I suck at names)  
  
Chapter Twelve: The what said the who now?  
  
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Hojo was laughing, well the others cringed because he'd been doing this for an hour. "Will you shut up before I summon Sephiroth up here and he can shove his Masamune straight up your.." C.B. (That's me!) was saying before Hojo interupts him (lousy bastard). "I'm in control now, and I'll do what I want" Then he looked like he was about to laugh again until C.B. (wait a minute, I'm referring to myself in the third persone. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!) said "Maybe, but you still need me to write this story since your all a bunch of illterate morons!". Now all the villians looked pissed, but Hojo just smiled. "Just for that, were going to torture your favorite characters!" and Hojo started to write (Holy Shit he's not illterate!) something down. C.B. (I'm still refering to myself in the third person, NOOOOO!) looked out the window and noticed a sight that horrified him. Cloud and Sephiroth were getting stared at by everyone else. There was a good reason why everyone was staring at them. Hojo had Cloud dressed up in a tutu and Sephiorth doing the chicken dance. Well C.B.'s jaw hit the ground, all the villians fell over laughing. Now the author (guess who that is!) was getting really pissed. When the villians wouldn't stop laughing, the author came up with a brillant plan (okay it's really brillant). He walked into a hidden room in the Author's Booth and came back with something in his hands. "Hey Hojo!" C.B. said in his loudest voice. Before Hojo coulde respond, C.B. threw something at him. A few seconds later, Hojo was running around the room screaming like a little girl because there was a spider on his face (guess where that came from!). Of course, the villinas were laughing their asses off agian and the author just sighed and mutters "idiots" because he could just walk out right now because no one was guarding the door. Thinking about it, the author decides to stay so he could torture the villians some more.  
  
Meanwhile (NOOOO! I SAID IT AGIAN!!!), the heros were trying to figure out what was wrong with Cloud and Sephiroth. Cloud was currently trying to hide from everyone while looking for a spare uniform and Sephiroth was still doing the chicken dance. Then a mysterious group apperared and..oh wait! its just Rufus! Sorry, I tried to make him sound like a villian again! My mistake. Anyway, Rufus "Not a villian" Shinra and his gang showed up and they had a new companion, Dark Nation! (you know that thing that Rufus has with him when you fight him). He had Scarlet with him, and also made Reno and Elena join him to. "Now then, will go find the author and save you all for.......10 MILLION GIL!! (does that Doctor Evil thing form the Austin Powers movies). Suddenly, for now apparent reason, everyone hears a loud "DAMMIT!! NOW I'VE GOT TO WRITE ANOHTER DISCLAIMER!! I HATE YOU RUFUS!!!" (guess who said that!). Deciding to ignore that, Rufus kept talking "Like I was saying, you have to pay us 10 MILLION GIL!...or Tifa has to beat Scarlet in another slapping contest". Everyone was just silent for a moment, then they agreed and the slapping contest was on (I'm doing it because of a reviewer request, because in actuality I thought the contest was kinda stupid becasue Tifa's a martial artist so why the hell would she get in a slapping contest!). Of course the contest ended like last time, except that Tifa got annoyed and just used Final Heavan on Scarlet. Rufus and the others headed off to look for the author (since they forgot that he was in the Author's Booth with the being neon sign saying "Author is here!" Well Rufus and the others were off looking for the author, Cloud found and changed into a new uniform and Sephiorth finally managed to stop doing the chicken dance. Now since they were smart, they headed straight for the Author's Booth to rescure the author (Woo Hoo!) so that Hojo couldn't fo that again (awwww). However strange things were happening in the Author's Booth...  
  
"Go fish" Knives told Legato with an evil grin on his face. "As you wish, Master" Legato said and he went fish, because all the villians were playing "Go Fish" while the other was tied up, gagged, and put under a large pot that was currently in the center of the room (I'm going to kill all the villians...slowly). One of the idiots..er..villians noticed the heros coming towards the booth and shouted a warning to the others. Unfortunatly for the villians, he was right next to them and his shouting hurt their ears. The mysterious villian volunteered to go stop the heros...  
  
Priview for the Next Chapter:  
  
The identity of the mysterious villian revealed! and I finally get to use a barrel of monkeys! All this and less on the next exciting episode of "This fic"..uh..I mean "Swordsman Tournament"  
  
A/N:*out of breath* Well I outran the lynch mob, so I hope everyone likes the new chapter and I'd like to aplogize for the time it took to update and use some of your ideas. Hopefully, the next update will be soon. Anyway, by everyone! 


	13. Secrect Villian Revealed! Don't miss thi...

Disclaimer: I don't own FFVII, but I have purchased all of my friends souls.  
  
A/N: Okay before you all decide to murder me, I have a really good reason for the update time. You see, my phone line went dead which of course means I lost all access to the Internet. Now that you all hopefully won't kill me, I need to thank my reviewers. First up is...Haruko-2020, then silvawolf, and of course AnnatheAncient. Plus we've got three new reviewers (my reviewer army is growing MWAHAHAHAHAHA!) so also thanks to BJ Louis, Rajata Sashi and That girl next door who reviewed chapters 1 through 11 and made my number of reviews get really high. Oh and a quick note to everyone, due to questions asked by reviewers, I'm going to try and improve my writing style and I'll probably focus this fic on the villians, the FFVII characters and the characters from Inuyasha and Trigun. Well enough stalling, I've let you all wait to long so without further ado, here's the next chapter!  
  
Story: Like you don't already know!  
  
Chapter Thirteen: The villian revealed! A barrel of monkeys! What the hell am I talking about!?!  
  
Well the heros prepared their attack on the villians, and the villians played go fish, another group of people were going to get involved. "RAMEN!!!" Inuyasha yelled, then shoved his head into a bowel of ramen and ate it all in a matter of seconds. Everyone stared at him with the exception of Miroku who, after trying to grope Sango again, was now on the ground with a big red hand print on his face and swirly eyes. Suddenly, Inuyasha got a scent got a scent he would never forget. It was the scent of his arch-nemisis....wait which one! let's see theirs his brother Sesshomaru, but they already know he's here, then there's Kouga but he's not pestering Kagome so he's not here so it had to be his arch-nemisi....Naraku!! (like you didn't see that coming) who, unfortuantly for Inuyasha, hadn't bathed recently and his scent sent Inuyasha to the ground trying to plug up his super sniffing nose (now that you probably didn't see coming). Within the author's booth a quick conversation went on between two of the villians. "Hey Naraku, you did put on that stuff I gave you to cover up your scent, right" Kikyo (remember she's there) asked the demon. "....oh crap!" Naraku yelled, all the while the villians were ignoring the cursing of a certain pissed off author who had recently been stuffed underneath a large pot.  
  
Back with the heros, Inuyasha was getting into a bad mood like he does everytime Narku around. The others were ready to fight to, even Miroku who somehow recovered. Inuyasha and the others started to walk in the direction of the author's booth and ran into Cloud and the others. "OWWWWWW!!" cloud and Inuyasha said because they just walked right into each other. Then they both realized were they had seen each other before. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?!" they both said at the same time, and it sounded really creepy. Then they both drew their swords and looked like they were about to have a giant sword fight (you know becasue their swords are huge...I'll just shut up now) when a mysterious sound was heard. The weird thing is it was the sound of the door opening so it shouldn't have been mysterious in any way and yet it was. Weird. Anyway a mysterious figure appeared, walking out of the aurthor's booth in a mysterious way. Mysterious. Why do I keep saying that? well anyway, this..this..thing walked in front of the heros and revealed itself. The mysterious villian who terrorized the author, who seemed to be unstoppable, who probably didn't do any of those things but I'm to lazy to go make sure, was...Kurenko!! (you know that black cat with green eyes that shows up in every episode of "Trigun") Everyone stared at the little cat. Then it said "Nyao!" Everyone stared at it a little more. Then it happened.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" everyone screamed then ran for cover. Most of them were hiding behind chairs. A few were hiding behind other people. Well really only one person was hiding behind someone else and that was Miroku hiding behind Sango, but he had his own reasons for hiding there (which if you watch Inuyasha, you know whats gonna happen). However, one of the warriors hadn't ran and hid. Still standing there was Cait Sith, who couldn't figure out why everyone was afraid of a cat (Obviously he doesn't know how truly evil Kurenko is!) and was about to use one of his idiotic..er..unusual limit breaks. Before he could use his limit break, however, Kurenko charged the overgrown stuffed animal (I don't like Cait Sith) rammed into him, causing him to fall down all the stairs leading up to the Author's booth and for him to be severally damaged. Unknow, another duo was being formed by two people who had hid next to each other. This duo discussed some evil plans, then snuck off to carry out their evil deeds. Meanwhile, the heros couldn't figure out how to escape the unstoppable cat. They would need a complete idiot to confront something that vicious and evil. Then Vash the Stampede walked up...  
  
"KITTY!!" Vash yelled, completly forgetting he was here to look for his evil twin brother Knives. So Vash picked up the little cat and started to, well you know the things you do with a cat, with the exception that I'm sure most people don't feed their cats donuts, but thats beside the point. Well everyone was dumbfounded becasue Kurenko wasn't tearing Vash to pieces, the villians started to think of a backup plan.  
  
"Well I think we all know what we have to do.." Hojo was saying, now that the villians were done playing "Go Fish". Then after a slight pause, he put a big grin on his face and said "Now let's play twister!" to which all the other villians cheered. Meanwhile, the author was under the pot and trying to bash his own head in so he could stop listening to the idiots, then he came up with a plan that involved many complicated things happening. Then he came up with a better one that only involved a barrel of monkeys...  
  
Priview for the Next Chapter:  
  
Now that the secret villian has been..uh..subdued will the heros be able to save the author? I hope so! The idiots are driving me nuts! uh...anyway more stuff happens next time...yeah that was brilliant. Anyway stay tuned for the next exciting episode (episode?) of "Swordsman Tournament"  
  
A/N: Well I hope everyone likes the new chapter and I will really try to update faster next time. Like on Tuesday if I can. Anyway, don't forget to leave suggestions or just things you want to see happen so I can use them in the fic. Well that's all for now, so till next time Bye Everybody! 


	14. Watch out for the amnesia dust!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except myself, and a few people's souls (I bought them for a quarter!)  
  
A/N: Okay before you all begin the mob stabbing, I know I said I'd try to have this up by tuesday and now its sunday but I'm really sorry this just took longer to write than I thought. Okay now to thank all my loyal minions...uh...I mean reviewers! Anyway thanks to That girl next door for reviewing chapter Twelve, haruko-2020, I)void, Jesika Slayder, and silvawolf for reviewing chapter 13. So without any more stalling I'll get to the story, oh and because one of my reviewers mentioned it I'll try to get back to the actual fighting in either this chapter or next chapter. Well on with the fic.  
  
Story: Swordsman thingy...I mean Tournament!  
  
Chapter XIV (a.k.a. 14): The author gets freed! Those poor, poor villians!  
  
While the heros stared in amazment at Vash, who was still petting Kurenko and wasn't being cut to ribbons, two people snuck to the back of the authors booth. These two people revealed themselves to be....Yuffie and Shippo. The two of them snuck on to the roof of the author's booth and started looking for a way to sneak inside. Finally, they saw an air vent and snuck into the author's booth. They didn't just sneak into any room though, because they snuck into the authors secret room. The walls were decorated with a lot of swords and guns (what I like swords and guns), as well as several boxes with food, a fridge full of Pepsi (I love Pepsi, that's why I captialized it), and a mysterious barrel (Ah! I said mysterious again!). Yuffie and Shippo walked towards the barrel and read the note that was written on the side of it.   
  
"Caution, Barrel of Monkeys Only use in emergency or to hide plot holes" the note read, and Yuffie and Shippo looked through a one-way glass window that happened to look into the room that wasn't secret (I had it installed so I could hide when the gnomes came to get me and I'd know when to come out...why is everyone staring at me!) and they noticed the villians were playing...twister and Hojo was losing because he's not all that smart when it comes to color coded games. Anyway, they also noticed a mysterious pot in one of the rooms corners and it was moving. Quickly, they assumed the only reasonable explanation. There was a monster under the pot and it ate the author! Then they realized that this fic would have ended if the author died and that it had to be the author. Then they quickly formulated a complicated plan that relied on help from all of their friends. Then they came up with a better one and Yuffie snuck out of the secret room and grabbed the pot with the author in it, then replaced it with the barrel of monkeys.  
  
One of the villians who had lost already walked over to the barrel, intent on checking on the author. When Naraku (HA HA! he lost!) opened it he let out a loud cry. Meanwhile the heros, who were still staring at Vash, heard the loud yell and rushed to authors booth. They threw open the door and noticed a sight that scared them for life. Well at least for the next five minutes. Okay it didn't scar them at all, you happy *author runs off to cry somewhere...meanies*. Inside the villians were all playing twister with a barrel's worth of monkeys. The monkeys were winning. Yeah the villians are that bad. Anyway, upon seeing the heros, the villians sprang into action. "Yo" every villian said at once and the heros all sweatdropped. Then, suddenly remebering that the heros were there to stop them, the villians got ready to fight. Then they were tackled by the monkeys. One of the villians manged to get up and it was the powerful, the fearsome, the moronic Hojo! Hojo looked at the heros and laughed an annoying laugh. He then uttered some words and summoned another Jenova creature, this one stranger than any before it. "Come and fight, Jenova-Giant Squid!" Hojo yelled then laughed manaically.   
  
Everyone just stared for a second, then the giant squid appeared. Eveyone stared at it, and it grabbed the recently recovered Cait Sith and tried to eat him. Unfoutunatly for the squid, Cait Sith's a robot and when it bite him (can squids bite?.....What I can explain it! The squid bit Cait Sith because of a plot hole! Now, where did I put that barrel...) it got electricuted (is that how you spell that? do I even care how you spell that?) and was destoryed along with Cait Sith (Yeah! Now he's gone forever) Then Cait Sith three showed up (NNNOOOOOO!!). Hojo had a backup plan and quickly summoned his other creatures. "Destroy them all my Jenova-Doughnuts!" Now everyone saw a dozen doughnuts walk by and they were all really creeped out. Well, all except one. Vash the Stampede grinned really big and in less than a minute devoured every singel doughnut.  
  
Out of Ideas, Hojo and the other villians came up with the only thing they could think of. "RUN AWAY!!" Hojo shouted, and all the villians scattered before the heros could stop them (how they managed to escape from a room with one door that was blocked by the heros I have no idea). The heros then started to search for the author but couldn't find him, until they noticed the secret room. They broke into the room and saw something they hadn't expected. Yuffie, Shippo, and the author were all sitting around watching t.v. while eating pizza and drinking pop.   
  
Everyone just looked suprised until the author noticed them. "Bout time you guys got here" C.B. (wonder who that is?) said and got back to watching t.v. After everyone finally got done being suprised, they all left the author's booth after the author yelled at them because they hadn't had an actual fight in awhile. The author left to because I felt like it The heros all got back to their seats and the author found his own seat. Aeris went back to the ring and was preparing to announce the next fight. Meanwhile, the villians were regrouping. "Let's play Scrabble!" Hojo yelled and all the villians cheered...  
  
Priview for Next Chapter:  
  
There's going to be a fight! Oh and more stuff happens that I haven't thought of yet. Anyway stay tuned for the next exciting episode of "Swordsman Tournament"  
  
A/N: Well I hope everyone liked the new chapter and if anyone has any ideas it would be a really good idea to give them to me please because I have no idea what I'm gonna do next chapter. I did have an interesing thought, though, and I was wondering if anyone would get mad if I let Sephiroth fight in his Kingdom Hearts form (you know, that really could coustume he had with the wing, and he also had all those really cool moves) Anyway, plese review and until next time, Bye Everyone! 


	15. That's not amnesia dust!

Disclaimer: I don't want to say it but I have to *sigh* I..d..d..don't...ow..own...Fin..Final Fantasy VII! *runs off to cry somewhere*  
  
A/N: Well I'm back and I'm going to try and get these notes done fast since your all probably hear to read the fic. Okay thanks to my reviewers silvawolf, and Haruko-2020 for reviewing my last chapter, and also thanks to dudeman for reviewing my first chapter. All right then I guess I should start the fic, shouldn't I?  
  
Story: Swordsman Tournament  
  
Chapter XV (15): My Eyes! They Burn! THEY BURN!!!  
  
Aeris was standind in the center of the ring, with a big smile on her face (mostly because she is always smiling...which is kinda odd when you think about it) and she had a large board thingy behind her with the names of all the fighters for the second round. "Hi everybody!" she said and for some reason everyone started cheering (guess the audience is full of Aeris fans or something) Then she pointed to the board thingy behind her and said "Now for the second round matchups!" The board thing lit up with the names of all the fighters and when their matches were. It read:  
  
First Match: Link vs. Trunks  
  
Second Match: Sephiroth vs. Inuyasha  
  
Third Match: Cloud vs. Sesshomaru  
  
Fourth Match: Agrias vs. Ramza  
  
With the fights announced (is that a word?), the next two warriors, Links and Trunks (in case you forgot in the 5 seconds its been since reading where it said it above) were walking out to the ring. They reach the ring and prepare to fight (God that sounds so stupid, I mean what else are they going to do, prepare to balla (thats's spelled wrong I think...wait I just put an author's note in an author's note...creepy) or something) Then they started to dance (What the hell!)...uh...I mean they drew their swords...yeah that's it. Anyway with my random stupidity aside, Trunks and Link were about to start fighting. Then when Aeris announced the fight was starting (because she's the announcer and that's what she does.....Subliminal Message: Ramen is good to eat on Tuesdays!) the two warriors instantly started fighting. Knowing he wasn't better with a sword than Link, Trunks started off the battle throwing those little ki balls that just about everybody in DBZ can use. What Trunks didn't know was, Link's shield (the Gold Shield from "A Link to the Past") could block laser-like attacks. The attacks hit Link's shield and went staight back at Trunks. Trunks didn't even have the time to get a suprised look on his face before several of his own attacks hit him dead-on. Trunks couldn't be beaten that easily, however, and quickly went back on the offensive. He charged at Link with his sword, but the young elf quickly raised his shield and blocked Trunks' sword. Trunks knew how to do more than swing a sword, however, and proved it by kicking Link while his guard was focused on Trunks' sword. Link skidded across the ground for a couple of feet, then managed to get up, although he had several minor cuts and bruises and a busted lip from when he hit the ground. Link had an enraged look on his face and it was obvious that the real fight had just started.  
  
Link threw three of his bombs at Trunks and when Trunks jumped to dodge he shot some arrows at him. Trunks countered this by blasting the arrows with ki blasts, incinerating them. Link decided to fight fire with fire, literally, as he pulled out his Fire Rod and sent a blast at Trunks. Trunks tried to stop the attack with a ki wave, but it didn't work and he was engulfed in flames. As the flames were disappering, Link was suprised to see that while Trunks had many burn injuries he wasn't that badly hurt. Thinking quickly, he pulled out the Ice Rod and encased Trunks in a Wall of Ice. Trunks, who was obvioulsly stuck in the ice, thought of one way to get out. He focused all of his energy and started to transform. Outside the giant Wall of Ice, Link was suprised to see golden rays of light coming out of the Ice Wall. Before he could do anything, the Ice Wall shattered and standing in the middle of where it used to be was Trunks, glowing with a golden aura and with his hari pointed straight up and now gold in color. Hies eyes had turned an emerald-green color as well and Trunks decided to show off the new powers his Super Saiyan from allowed him to use. Before Link could dodge, Trunks charged in front of him and hit him hard in the gut. As Link was doubling over from the pain, Trunks kicked him out of the ring, sending Link into a stadium wall and injuring the poor little elf. With the match decided Trunks powered down to his regular self and walked off the ring and back to the fighter's gathering area.  
  
With the first fight decided, Inuyasha had a smug look on his face. "Well my fight's up next, now what was the name of the poor fool that has to fight me..." Inuyasha said in his usual arrogant tone of voice. Then he continued on, sounding even more arrogant (if that's possible) than usual "Now what was the name of that guy I'm fighting....Soboroth?" Inuyasha was suprised when someone behind him corrected him on his opponent name "Sephiroth" was all the man said. Inuyasha turned around and notieced the person who corrected him was none other than the feared One-Winged Angel himself. Inuyasha quickly covered his suprise with an arrogant grin and said "So your're my opponent" then he looked Sephiroth over "Shouldn't be to tough" he finished and stopped paying attention to Sephiroth. Sephiroth just had a sligh smirk on his face, and deiced to show Inuyasha just how strong he was. Meanwhile, the heros were currently in a bad mood and were pretty angry. They weren't angry at the villians though. They were mad at the author, who was currently eating some popcorn he'd bought from a vendor. Well actually, replace "bought" with "stole" and replace "from a vendor" with "from the heros". Now I'm sure you realize why there all mad. Noticeing that all the heros were about to mob stab him, the author thought of something quickly. "Ouch!" C.B. exclaimed from the pain of thinking fast, then he intiated his plan. "I'll buy you all some popcorn!" he yelled to the heros and they decided not to kill him. "Okay, Cloud go get the popcorn" C.B. said as he handed Cloud enough gil to buy a lot of bags of popcorn. "Why do I have to go?" Cloud asked, not happy with the idea of having to carry all that popcorn. "Because your closer to the vendor, now just go buy about twenty bags" C.B. said matter of factly and stopped listening to Cloud's whining. "I can't carry that much stuff!" Cloud yelled at C.B. and everyone shushed him. Cloud got angry and started to stomp off when someone offered to help him.   
  
Tifa offered to help Cloud and they were about to go get the snacks when someone spoke up. "Yeah Tifa's gonna 'help' Cloud, wink wink" C.B. said and tried to avoid laughing. "Yo foo, you said 'wink wink' out loud" Barret said to C.B. "No I didn't, raise middle finger" C.B. said. Cloud and Tifa started to blush as they realized what C.B. was implying. Then Cloud started to get angry that everyone was messing with him. Meanwhile, the villians evil plan had begun. "Yeah, I got 20 points!" Knives said as all the villians continued to play Scrabble...  
  
Priview for Next Chapter:   
  
Will Cloud get angry enough to hurt the aurthor? Will Sephiroth and Inuyahsa fight next chapter? Will I stop asking you questions? (not likly!) all these answears and less on the next exciting episode of..SWORDSMAN TOURNAMENT! (I put it in all caps so it would look impressive)  
  
A/N: Hope everybody likes this new chapter. I'm really happy, I managed to hit 60 reviews! I'm glad some many people seem to like this. Well anyway as always I'll try (and probably fail) to update sooner. Till then, Bye Everybody! 


	16. Ramen, it's food for the stomach

Disclaimer: I don't own FFVII and I never will *sigh*  
  
A/N: Okay this took me awhile to write. Anyway your not here to listen to me rant (or are you?) so I'll just thank my reviewers and get this chapter started. Thanks to Haruko-2020 for reviewing my last chapter and thanks to Goth Girle Girl for reviewing my first chapter. Anyway on with something!  
  
Story: I give you three guesses and the first two don't count  
  
Chapter Sixteen: Ramen is good......I like cheese!  
  
The villians were still playing Scrabble (remember, there idiots) and is was now the turn of the greatest villian ever, the evil mastermind who could control the minds of thousands, the man who created one of the most feared villians ever, the one the only...Idiot!..oh I mean Hojo! Hojo happily place down several letters in an attempt to spell "Biology" to prove he was a scientifif genius. The other villians looked over his work and remained silent. Then one of them decided to speak up.  
  
"You spelled Berk wrong" Knives said.  
  
"What! You dare to challenge me, you fool!" Hojo shouted at the top of his lungs, nearly giving away the hiding spot of the villians  
  
"I'm pretty sure "Berk" is spelled B-E-R-K, not B-U-R-K-E" Legato chipped in, trying to defend his "Master" (Personally, Legato calling Knives "master" kinda creeped me out)  
  
Hojo got mad when he realized that he had indeed misspelled the world. He got so mad he threw away the "B" not knowing the consequences of this action. Elsewhere, Cloud was still fuming because the author kept trying to embarass him and everyone was laughing at him. He turned around and started to storm off, but fate intervened and Cloud stepped on the discarded "B" from the scrabble game (DUN DUN DUN!!....sorry) Cloud slipped on the "B" and immediatly fell back into Tifa, who then fell back into the rest of the FFVII crew and to make this a lot shorter because I'm lazy, everyone with the exceptions of Aeris, Hojo, and Sephiorth was on the ground. (I left Sephiroth some dignity)  
  
The author was the first one to get up (Because I'm special.....why is everyone staring at me?!?!) and the first thing he noticed was that he was stuck in a pile of videogame/anime characters. Thinking quickly (OWWWW!!...your getting sick of these joke aren't you?) the author pulled out the only thing that could save him (his life was in danger, as was everyone elses, because there in a pile with Barret and they all knew he was gonna get mad and start shooting his gun like an idiot) he started to pry the characters apart with...THE CROWBAR OF THE APOCALYPTIC SHOOOM!! (Okay even I don't know what I was thinking when I named that). After prying all the characters apart (and swiping all their gil, even though I can just make some) the author noticed something else that made him grin evilly. When everyone fell down Cloud and Tifa fell down on top of each other (I wonder if I'm torturing them to much.....nah!)  
  
"GET A ROOM!" C.B. (aka the author) shouted and started to laugh. Unfortunaly for C.B., Cloud had just woke up and hearing this was to much for him.  
  
"THAT'S IT!" Cloud yelled and started to stalk over to C.B. with his sword out and an evil look on his face.  
  
"uh oh" C.B. said then started to rumage through his pocket and decided to do somthing really stupid. "LOOSE CHANGE ATTACK!" C.B. yelled and threw some loose change at Cloud. Cloud got hit and was thrown back, and C.B. just stared for a second before remebering that throwing money was actually an attack in Final Fantasy games. Cloud got up and looked even angrier than before.  
  
"OMNISLASH!!" and you can guess what happened. Except that while Cloud was brutally (very brutally) hurting the author, he accidentaly knicked Sephiroth's hair. It was very bad and only a single string of hair hit the ground. Then everyone stopped and stared. Sephiroth just looked at it for a second, then looked like he was getting really angry. Finally he snapped. Sephiroth ran away crying (So much for leaving him some dignity). This suprised everybody, well everyboyd except one guy, but we killed him so it would suprise everybody. Anyway, getting away from my very strange way of thinking, everyone was suprised because Sephiroh ran off crying. Then they all stood around because we have nothing to do. Someone coughed. Then they all realized they should probably be LOOKING for Sephiroth and they all started to go looking. They found him five hours later (time flies when you use filler!) hiding under something I'm not going to tell you because I'm to lazy to think of somethig for him to hide under *takes a deep breath because he said a very long sentence in...one...breath (Passes Out)* Cloud, Tifa, Aeris, and C.B. all stood around Sephiroth feeling odd, having no idea what to do. Luckily Sephiroth did something.  
  
"I'LL KILL YOU!!" Sephiroth yelled well strangling Cloud. Then a metal rod hit him in the head (I'll give you one guess who that was). Sephiroth stopped choking Cloud and just stood there. "That hurt" he said very calmly, then passed out. Everyone just stared at the One-Winged Angel for a second. Then Aeris spoke up.  
  
"...opps..." she said then giggled. Everyone back away from the supposedley innocent flower girl. Meanwhile the villians came up with another evil plan.   
  
"I've got a thing here that does something" Hojo yelled and all the villians cheered (Idiots!)...  
  
Priview for Next Chapter:  
  
What are the villians going to do know? When will I get off my lazy ass and have Sephiroth fight Inuyasha? Will I ever start updating faster (Probably not)? Tune in next time to find these answears and more, or less, or maybe just those answears on the next exciting chapter of "Swordsman Tournament!" *cue lens flash*  
  
A/N: Wow I didn't have much inspiration when I started this chapter, but I think it turned out pretty well. Hope everyone liked it and please review. Bye! 


	17. I Finally Stop Being Lazy HA!

Disclaimer: I should say something here, but I don't feel like it  
  
A/N: Well, I'm back! *everyone screams and runs away*.......anyways, I'd like to thank Haruko-2020, and AnnatheAncient for reviewing the last chapter and in case I confused anyone with that Scrabble game and the word "berk" I don't know what it means either it was a suggestion from a reviewer. Oh and when Hojo says "Biology" he was supposed to say "Berk" but I was kinda distracted when I wrote that part and I didn't notice it before I posted it. I would replace it, but it makes Hojo look stupid so I probably won't. On with the fic I guess.  
  
Story: Sharp-point things are fun!  
  
Chapter Seventeen: Sephiroth likes to hurt things (DUH!!)  
  
Everyone was waiting around for Sephiroth to wake up. With nothing better to do, they all started yelling at the author because they realized he had stolen all of their money. The author was outraged at their outrageous (and true) claim that he would steal from them.  
  
"What makes you think I'd steal anything from you guys?" the author asked, trying to sound all high and mighty. Then the Ultima Weapon (you know, Cloud's best sword) fell out of his pocket (I don't want to know how it fit in C.B.'s pocket). Everyone stared at the sword, then at C.B. and Cloud looked really mad (I wonder why?).  
  
"That's where my sword went! I'LL KILL YOU!!" Cloud yelled, and started to hurt the author. Again. Wow for my own fic, I sure get hurt a lot don't I? Anyways, as Cloud strangled the author and the other characters put in very little effort to save him, the villians secret diabolical new device was revealed!  
  
"It's a karaoke machine" Knives said thoughtfully as Hojo revealed his newest thing he found in a dumpster.   
  
"I know, isn't it great!?!" Hojo said excitedly, like a kid in a candy store. The other villians just stared and wondered how the hell they let such an idiot be there leader. As the villians were finally realizing how stupid they are, Hojo was busy plugging in his new machine. Unfortunatly for everyone, he plugged it into the stadium's speakers. Then as the villians were still arguing, Hojo did the most cruel act of villiany ever, an act that will be dreaded till the end of time. Hojo started to sing.  
  
The reaction was instant. As soon as Hojo's horrible singing voice was heard over the speakers, everyone started to scream. After a few minutes of extreme pain and suffering affecting everyone but the oblivious and stupid Hojo, everyone passed out. Hojo just noticed this and got angry that everyone hadn't been listening to him, so he smashed the karoke machine then went off to plan another scheme.   
  
Several months later, everyone finally wakes up from their Hojo induced nap. Noticing that everyone was awake, the author tries to make Inuyasha and Sephiorth head down to the ring. Unfortunatly, Inuyasha was eating Ramen at the time (He was hungry when he woke up.......Ramen is good for you!). After several hours of desperate struggle which I'm not going to describe because I'm lazy, Inuyasha started to get dragged down to the ring by Cloud and Vincent.  
  
"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Inuyasha screamed the whole way down, almost in tears from having been seperated from his Ramen (Ramen should always be capitalized, because it's just that good). Inuyasha then stormed onto the ring, hoping to end the fight quickly and get back to his Ramen. Aeris came up to the ring and started to announce the fighters.  
  
"Over here we have the half-demon, Inuyasha!" She said and everyone cheered "And over here we have Sep....hey! where's Sephiroth!?!" It was true, Sephiorth wasn't in his corner. Inuyasha got an arrogant look on his face.  
  
"Guess he was to scared to fight me!" Inuyasha said in his usual overconfident tone, and he started to walk out of the ring when he suddenly noticed a strange symbol in the sky. Everyone else noticed it to and a few seconds after it appeared, a beam of light shot down to the ground. Once the beam faded, everyone could clearly see Sephiroth, with his black angel-like wing. Sephiroth just smirked at Inuyasha and put his hand on the handle of the Masamune. The audience cheered as Aeris announced the fight was starting and Inuyasha started to charge at Sephiroth. Just as Inuyasha was about to hit Sephiroth, Sephiroth teleported behind him. As Sephiroth was about to end the battle with one slash, Inuyasha ducked from out of the way of Sephiroth's back attack and turned around to face Sephiroth.  
  
Before Sephiroth could bring his guard up, Inuyasha punched him in the face and sent him skidding back several feet. As Sephiroth got up, he noticed that Inuyasha now had his giant sword in his hand. Sephiroth started to grumble about "People with oversized swords" and stuff like that and then, when Inuyasha was about to reach him, he sent up a pilliar of flame all around him. Unfortunatly for Sephiroth, Inuyasha's cloths protect him from fire. Leaping threw the flames, Inuyasha hit Sephiroth once again before he could even drop the flame pilliar, much less defend himself. Inuyasha was looking even more confident (If that's even possible) than usual when Sephiroth got back up. Sephiroth was about to say some witty retort like "You think that hurt me!" or something, when he noticed that Inuyasha was holding his sword above his head. As Inuyasha slashed downward, he cut through the Wind Scar, sending a large attack at Sephiroth.  
  
Sephiorth's eyes widened in suprise as he saw the incoming attack and he raised his Masamune to stop it. For a few minutes they stood there, with Inuyasha's attack being blocked by the powerful Masamune. Then the golden flames of the Wind Scar attack overtook Sephiroth and the Masamune. Inuyasha was about to say something about the fight being to easy, when he noticed an outline in the golden flames that now covered part of the ring. Sephiroth stood there with only a few scratches on him and stared at Inuyasha with a smirk on his face.   
  
"Come On!" Sephiroth yelled, and he started taunting Inuyasha. Inuyasha was more than happy to oblige him...  
  
Priview for the Next Chapter:  
  
Who will win in the fight between Sephiroth and Inuyasha? What scheme will Hojo come up with next? Why am I asking you all these questions? Find out int the next exciting chapter of "Swordsman Tournament"!  
  
A/N: Sorry for stopping there, but I really can't decide who should win the next match. Please someone at least give me a suggestion on who you want to win. Anyway, I'll try to update real soon to make up for this cliffhanger. Just out of curiosity, does anyone know what Sephiroth says when he does the Sin Harvest attack in Kingdom Hearts, because to me it sounds like he says "Sin Harvest Angel" and I wanted to confirm it before I have him use that attack. Anyways, till next time, bye everybody! 


	18. Stranger Things Have Happened

Disclaimer: The sky is blue  
  
A/N: Sorry if it took awhile to update and I really meant to update sooner because I got some great ideas from my reviewers, but I was trying to work on my other fic (which I have recently discovered I know have a major case of writer's block with) and got kind of distracted from writing the next chapter of this. Anywas, time to thank the reviewers so thanks to silvawolf for reviewing chapters 15, 16, and 17, Haruko-2020, AnnatheAncient, Angry-Vegeta, and uragainstme for reviewing chapters 16 and 17. Oh and since one of my reviewers asked Ramen is basically a bowl of noodles, and I apologize for not clarifiying that and just assuming everyone knew what it was. Now on to the fic.  
  
Story: Swordsman Tournament  
  
Chapter Eighteen: DUN DUN DUN!!!  
  
While Sephiroth and Inuyasha were fighting and all the heros were distracted (They were watching the fight.....you probably already guessed that), something sinister was happening in a recently built super secret underground lab beneath the place the tournament's at. In the secret lab was a scientist, the only man who was immune to the several month long nap that affected everyone else in the stadium. That's right it's Hojo! the world's greatist scientific moron! Something was wrong, however, as Hojo wasn't doing something really stupid. As a matter of fact, he was working on some strangely colored vials and was actually acting intelligent (author faints).................(wakes up) uh...anyway, Hojo was working on some strange substance. With an evil laugh he loaded it into an even stranger machine. Then he did what all great villians do and revealed his plan, therby ruining any form of plot this fic might have had (phew! for a second there I thought there was a plot to this).  
  
"With my new machine that I haven't named yet, I will alter this fic and make really weird stuff happen in it!! I can do this since in the months that everyone was passed out I developed several viruses that infect fics and alter the characters and contnet of the fic. Why did I just reveal my master plan when noone's around?" Then a moogle riding a chocoboo showed up. It stared at Hojo. Hojo stared at it. It stared at Hojo. Hojo stared at it. It stared at..well, you get the picture. Well the staring contest was going on, the machine injected the "Random Insanity" virus into the fic...(Like we don't have enough random insantiy as it is).  
  
Meanwhile, the author and everyone else were enjoying the fight when it happened.  
  
"My author sense is tingling!" C.B. said and everyone stared at him.  
  
"Don't rip off SpiderMan!!" they all screamed at once, since there all apparently big SpiderMan fans.  
  
"I'm serious somethings..." The author didn't get to finish, however, as the second he said he was serious all the character started laughing. C.B. glared at them. They kept laughing. C.B. started to tap his foot and glare at them. Still laughing. A vein stared to pop out of C.B.'s head. Guess what the characters are still doing. "THAT"S IT!!" C.B. yelled angrily. Then he prepared to smite them (smite is such a great word). Then a pig hit him. Seriously.  
  
"What the hell?" All the character said at once, which is really, really creepy. Elsewhere, the villians with the excpetion of Hojo were standing near a strange machine.  
  
"How do you like the new 'Pigcapult'" Narku said in an excited voice. All of the other villians stared at him and were wondering if he was as stupid as or dumber than Hojo.  
  
"Why would we want a 'Pigcapult'?" Knives asked in his 'I hate all spiders' tone of voice.  
  
"It's fun!!" Narku yelled, then started to run around in circles. The villians couldn't believe it, but they were actually starting to miss having Hojo around. Meanwhile, the author finally started to recove from his blos from the UFP (Unidentified Flying Pig).  
  
"Like I was trying to tell you, something's wrong with this fic" C.B. said and everyone nodded, obviously thinking there was also something wrong with my head. Anyways, the author continued to say stuff that was probably important so we should listen to it. "The fic's been...altered!" C.B. said, expecting everyone to gasp. Someone coughed. Crickets chirped. C.B. said and continued talking. "The Fic's been injected with a 'Random Insanity' virus!!" He said in a tone that sounded like this was important. Once again, everything was silent. The author, noticing that the charcters had no idea what a 'Random Insanity' virus could do, pointed out the most insane thing happening that he could find, which just happened to be what was happening in the ring. Everyone looked and finally realized something was very wrong. Despite all the crazy stuff that's happened so far in this fic, they'd never noticed anything like this before. Inuyasha was flooding the ring with a giant bowl of Ramen (where the hell did he get that?) Everyone continued to stare as Sephiroth ran around in circles and Inuyasha laughed manically. Meanwhile, in the secret lab, Hojo's machine started to prepare to get ready to inject the next virus into the fic. The label on the virus (Since Hojo labled them conviently) read: "OOC Virus"...  
  
Priview for Next Chapter"  
  
More Insane things happen. Can the character stop Hojo from doing more odd things to the fic? Will everyone get infected with the OOC virus? Will I ever shut up (Hell NO!)? Tune in next time to find out. Same fic Time, same fic URL!  
  
A/N: I hope everyone liked this chapter, and I'll try to get the next one up soon. Until then, Bye Everyone! Oh and thanks for giving me over 70 Reviews! 


	19. Did he really just do that?

Disclaimer: I don't own FFVII, but I did steal some of the characters souls *big grin*  
  
A/N: Well this took me awhile. I know I should have updated a lot sooner, but I kinda spent some time tweaking my computer because it was running really slow and that took a lot longer than expected as it seemed everything that could go wrong did. Then my brother started to spend all of his time on the Internet so I couldn't get on. Anyways I'll thank my reviewers silvawolf and Haruko-2020 now and get on with the fic.  
  
Story: Like you don't already know  
  
Chapter Nineteen (the sequel to chapter 18): Sometimes a little bit of brain damage can be a GOOD thing  
  
The characters were all still shocked by what was going on in the ring and the author got hit by another pig (I'm going to kill Naraku....slowly). As if things weren't bad enough, the insanity was getting worse. Now that the ring was half-flooded with Ramen, Inuyahsa and Sephiroth did the strangest thing. They started to get into a sissy fight (I'd describe what that's like, but it's really hard and I can't think of a good way to describe it so I hope you all know what I mean by that). Well the characters were mesmerized by the stupidity happening in the ring and the author was trying to get out from under the pig, something was happening somewere else.  
  
In Hojo's super secret underground labaoratory, something sinister was happening. Hojo had just managed to finish repairing the karoke maching (the HORROR!!!). Oh and the OOC virus was injected into the fic. As the virus made its way through the fic, the characters started to feel funny. After they were done staring at the "fight" in the ring, the characters started to wander off. Just then, C.B. was able to escape from his pig-like prison.  
  
"Hey, where the hell is everyone going?" C.B. said, then his author senses kicked in and he knew what the problem was. As the author sat there contemplating what to do know that the OOC virus had infected the characters. "To videotape or not to videotape, that is the question" C.B. said well decided whether or not to tape how the charcters act. Then something started to walk towards the author. Slowly a hand reached out and tapped the author on the shoulder. The author spun around and screamed "AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! ZOMBIES!!!" before realized he was looking at the now confused Cloud and Tifa. As they continued to stare at him, C.B. just nervously said "Guess I've been playing to much Resident Evil".  
  
They both nodded while continuing to give the author weird looks. Then they decided to ask what the hell was going on.  
  
"What the hell's going on?" Cloud asked (See, what did I tell you.........cheese is good!). The author just thought about how to word what he was about to say to them. Then he made up his mind.  
  
"The sky is blue" C.B. said happily. More stares from Cloud and Tifa. "Oh and Hojo injected the fic with another virus" C.B. added, hoping to make sound dramatic. Cloud and Tifa where still staring at the author like he had a few screws loose (loose?!? I'm appalled! They should know by now that the screws aren't loose, there gone!). "I think it's an OOC virus, but I'm not sure" the author continued saying, not noticing that Cloud and Tifa were staring at him.  
  
"A what virus?" Cloud asked, slighty confused since he didn't know what OOC means.  
  
"An Out-Of-Character virus" that author answeared him.  
  
"And what does that do?" Cloud asked again since, being a game character himself, he had no idea what OOC is.  
  
"It makes you do things you wouldn't really do, like those fics were Vincent is happy" the author answered. "Anyways, we need to see if any of the other characters are immune to it like you two are" the author added and with that said they wandered off, aimlessly looking for the other characters. When they finally found one of them, they were horrified by what they saw. Out in some fields around the stadium they saw something that would scar anyone for life.  
  
Vincent Valentine was frolicking amongst the flowers. As if that wasn't bad enough, he had apparently decided a change of cloths was in order. Vincent was now wearing all white, with the exception of his cape which was pink. Yes pink. His golden claw even had flower drawings on it. I know it's horrifiying isn't it? As the characters were about to approach Vincent and try to snap him out of it, the author stopped them.  
  
"That wouldn't be a good idea" He said and when they both gave him questioning looks he contiuned talking "He's obviously to OOC for us to help him until we get rid of the source of the virus" He said and when they nodded he added something else "Oh and all this OOCness probably turned him gay, so I'd suggest you stay away from him Cloud, unless of course you want him to act out some Yaoi scenes on you" the author finally finished talking after saying that. Cloud's face turned green and he ran off, with Tifa and the other quickly following him...  
  
Priview for Next Chapter:  
  
More of the characters OOC sides are shown! Can the now greatly reduced group of heros and the author stop Hojo's plan, or are the characters doomed to a life as OOC freaks? Stay tuned to find out in the next exciting chapter of "SWORDSMAN TOURNAMENT"  
  
A/N: First I wanna aplogize for taking so long to update. I wound up being really busy preparing for what to do when I get out of high school and I tweaked my computer so it would run faster. Also I was kinda in a bad mood for a long time and I didn't wanna write anything well I was like that. Oh and sorry for picking on Vincent so much and also sorry to any Yaoi writers who were offended by me saying it was OOC, but I just don't like the stuff. Also I won't pick on Vincent anymore and I won't make him stay like that for very long so don't worry about it. Anyways, till next time, Bye Everybody! 


	20. Yes, that did just happen

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, but the kitchen sink (Actually, I'm only renting the sink)  
  
A/N: Okay before all of my reviewers decided to kill me, I'd like to apologize for the long update time. I would have updated sooner but I was having some really bad computer problems and I haven't been able to get on the internet until recently. Now I'll do what I normally do and thank my reviews so thanks to Haruko-2020, silvawolf, and uragainstme for reviewing. Well I guess I'll get on with the fic now.  
  
Story: You really should know the name by now  
  
Chapter 20: Flying Monkeys are Cool............or are they?  
  
In Hojo's Secret Underground Lair  
  
"GENTELEMAN BEHOLD!!!!" Hojo yelled, even though the only other 'people' in the lab were a Mog and a Chocobo. Then Hojo opened up a cage unveiling his new thing that does something. The Mog and Chocobo stared into the cage then gave Hojo a fuuny look.  
  
"What is it?" The Mog asked, curious about the Thing in the cage.  
  
"It's your mama Steve! Now get the Axe!!" Hojo yelled at the poor little mog who looked like he was really confused.   
  
"My name's not Steve, and what's this about an axe...?" The Mog (Who is going to be refereed to as Steve from now on, even though it's not his name) started to ask but berore he could finish the Thing quickly ran out of it's cage and escaped Hojo's lab through the front door which, suprisingly, had no barricade or door or anything like that on it. God Hojo's stupid.  
  
Back to the Heros  
  
The heros were happily continuing their quest to find more OOC characters when they found something that was even more horrifying than Vincent. Yuffie was giving materia to some poor little kids. As if that weren't bad enough it looked like she wasn't trying to steal it back or rob the poor children blind. Yuffie was being........nice! (Dramatic Music starts playing). The Heros could do nothing more but stare in horror at this awful site.  
  
"Hi Guys!" Yuffie yelled as she ran up to the Heros, who were still to shocked and horrified to respond. "Whoa you guys got a lot of cool materia" Yuffie said and had a mischevious look on her face. Just when it looked like Yuffie had returned to normal, she said something that horrified the heros far more than seeing her give free materia to children. "Oh well, that materia belongs to you guys so I guess I can't have it. Bye!" Yuffie said and walked off, while the heros couldn't seem to get the horrified looks of their faces.  
  
Hojo's Secret Underground Place again  
  
"Those heros are getting to close to my lair" Hojo said as he stared at some monitors. The weird thing was all of the monitors were blank. Steve (The Mog) and the Chocobo stared at each then at Hojo. Finally, Steve decided to speak up.  
  
"But the heros are nowhere near your lab" Steve said and was completly ignored by Hojo. Hojo decided that to defeat the heros once and for all he would use another new invention of his, a nice little machined that Hojo called the RVG, or "Random Villian Generator". Basically it does what the name suggests and pops out a random villian to do the creators bidding. It'd probably be cool if it weren't random. Anyway, Hojo activated his new machine and within a matter of moments a new villian came out of the machine...  
  
Once Again Back with the Heros  
  
Cloud, Tifa, and the author (since I don't feel like refeering to them as "the heros" anymore) were all walking around looking for more OOC characters with horified looks on their faces. The encounters with Vincent and Yuffie kinda made them wonder whether or not they wanted to find everyone else. Suddenly, they heard a strange noise that sounded just like someone playing a violin. Before they could find the source to this strange music, something ran by in front of them so fast that it looked like a blur. Cloud and the others decided to follow it.  
  
In the Ring  
  
Inuyahsa and Sephiroth were still in the middle of their sissy fight, when the sound of some violin music distracted Sephiroth and Inuyasha was able to hit him in the face. This, however, seemed to have knocked the OOCness right out of Sephiroth and he hit Inuyasha who was then also knocked out of his OOCness. Just as the two were about to start fighting for real again, some strange thing ran up into the ring and started to hug Sephiroth. The thing started muttering things like "oh my poor Sephy-Weffy" and "do you have a boo-boo". It was around this time that the author and the others caught up and finally realized what the creature was.  
  
It was in fact.......The One and Only Plush Jenova Playing the Violin while Eating Sushi!!! The new Jenova thing kept hugging Sephiroth, who kept trying to get it off of him, while everyone else tried not to laugh so they wouldn't earn some one-on-one time with the Masamune later. However, as the heros considered what to do with this new from of Jenova, something mysterious was spying on the unsuspecting characters...  
  
Priview for Next Chapter:  
  
The new plush Jenova continues to embarass the hell out of Sephiroth! Hojo's new villian is revealed! Steve tries to convince everyone that his name isn't Steve! For all this and less stay tuned for the next exciting chapter of "Swordsman Tournament"  
  
A/N: Once again, I'd like to aplogize for the long time it took me to update, but I only got my Internet working recently and I now have a job (It's only watching my little brother, but I get paid so I consider it a job) and that makes it harder to update. While anyway till next chapter, Bye Everybody! 


	21. Beware the Law Ninja!

Disclaimer: I don't own FFVII  
  
A/N: Sorry if it took awhile to post this chapter but I've been kinda busy. With my excuses for not updating aside it's time to thank my reviewers so thanks to silvawolf, Haruko-2020, nanashi, and Yamamoto Kou for reviewing my last chapter and now I'll get on with the fic.  
  
**Story: Swordsman Tournament.........OF DOOM!!!!!  
  
Chapter Twenty-One: Chocobos will one day rule the world**  
  
**In The Ring**  
  
The new Jenova thing was busy hugging Sephirtoh (Who was trying to escape) while the others watched. Then something came out of the shadows, something completly unexpected. It was.....Someone! Actually it was Sephiroth's REAL Mother (you know the scietist lady). Lucretia stormed into the center of the ring to get eye to eye with the weird Jenova thing that claimed to be Sephiroths mommy. This was actually knida diffictult because the Jenova thing didn't seem to have eyes since she is a really freaky alien thing.  
  
As Lucretia and Jenova were arguing over which one of them was really Sephiroth's mother, everyone else watched and started to bet on who'd win if they started to fight. To everyone's suprised they both pulled out rubber chickins and started to fight each other with them. While everyone else was placing bets on who would win the fight, Cloud decided to ask the author somethig.  
  
"Um..why are they fighting with rubber chickens" After Cloud asked the author this, the author rolled his eyes and simply said "Budget cuts". Cloud was now even more confuesed than before. "Budget Cuts! This is a fanfic you don't have a budget! I mean if you wanted to you could make a Super Hyper Mega Death Beam appear out of thin air!" Cloud yelled at the author.  
  
"That's ridiculous" The author casually replied. It was Cloud's turn to roll his eyes as he pointed behind the author and said "Then what's that?". Cloud was pointing to the conviently placed Super Hyper Mega Death Beam that just happened to appear out of nowhere. "I have no idea what your talking about" The author replied and before Cloud could hurt him everyone heard Sephiroth yell.  
  
"THAT'S IT!!" Sephiroth had obviously had enough of the folishness going on in the ring and he decided to break the fight up the only way he knew how. So he threw a rubber ducky into the middle of the ring. However, while the ducky was flying through the air it happened to hit the Jenova creature (There's no way in hell I'm spelling it's name out again). Suddenly the creature suprised everybody by screaming.  
  
"NO!! A RUBBER DUCKY!! MY ONE WEAKNESS!!!" Then the Jenova creature exploded. Everyone else had suprised look on their faces and no one said anything till Sephiroth spoke up.  
  
"Well....I didn't see that coming" Everyone else nodded their agreement.  
  
**In Hojo's Secret Underground Lab  
**  
Hojo was currently hopping around the lab on a pogo stick, when he suddenly stopped and gasped like something terrible had just happened. "I sense a disturbance in the Force" Hojo said in an eerie voice. Before he could say anything else, however, they appeared. The most ferocious group of fighters ever jumped out of the shadows. This group was so powerful that even authors feared them. They are....THE LAW NINJA!!! Before Hojo could even scream they managed to beat him up, destroy his lab and sue him for ripping off Star Wars (Law Ninja are Ninjas/Lawyers....scary isn't it).  
  
While Hojo was trying to recover from the shock of being horribly beaten and sued at the same time, Steve decided to ask him what the "disturbane" he "sensed" was. Hojo just sat there for a little while then started to cry like a little baby.  
  
"They destroyed my One and Only Plush Jenova that Plays the Violin while Eating Sushi Steve!" Hojo yelled out then started to cry again. Normally he would have felt bad for him, but Steve had finally had enough of being called Steve.  
  
"My Names Not Steve!!" He yelled at Hojo. Hojo just sat there for awhile and finally asked him what his name was then. "Steve" smiled then said his name. "My Name is Really....Kaisevddobdlkfgeatdafdsagfj, Destroyer of Worlds, Eater of Kupo Nuts, Devourer of..." However before the Mog could get any further saying his incredibly long name Hojo interupted him.  
  
"Sure whatever you say Steve" Hojo said then started to plan out what he was going to do now that his lab was destroyed. He was so focused on his thinking that he didn't noticed that Steve was secretly plotting against him with the Chocobo.  
  
**Back With the Good Guys  
**  
Suddenly the author said something. "My Author sense is tingling, I think the OOC virus is gone". Before anyone could ask him how he came to this conclusion, some Law Ninja jumped out of nowhere and started to chase the author yelling at him about ripping off Spiderman. While the author was busy trying to escape the Law Ninja, someone very familiar walked up to the heros. It was none other than everybody's favorite flower girl Aeris! However, since she was still OOC (It takes awhile to wear off.....gotta go runs away from the law ninja) she was wearing a black gothic like outfit instead of her usual attire.  
  
Before anyone could try to snap her out of he OOCness, she started reciting quotes from Vincents Big Book of Depressing Quotes (In Stores Now!!). Now Everybody was depressed. While everybody but the author (who was still running away) and Sephiroth (who was to busy drooling over the fact that Aeris was wearing a black leather outfit to listen to a word she was saying)...  
  
**Priview for Next Chapter:**  
  
Can Everyone Escape from Aeris' incredibly depressing quotes? Will the author get away from the Law Ninja? What is Hojo planning on doing next? Will I ever get back to the fights? Find out on the Next Exciting Episode...err...Chapter of Swordsman Tournament!  
  
A/N: Sorry it took so long to update but I had a little trouble thinking of Ideas for this chapter. If anyone has any suggestions they are more than welcome. Well till next time, Bye Everybody! 


	22. Insert Chapter Title Here

Disclaimer: I don't own FFVII  
  
A/N: Well I'm back and I'm sorry if it took awhile for me to update but I was running out of ideas. Thankfully I have some more now so I should be able to start updating faster. Before I get this new chapter started I'm going to do what I do every chapter and thank my reviewers so thanks to Yamamoto Kou, Haruko-2020, Seriyu-the-ice-dragon, and Phaea. Now let's get this chapter started.  
  
**Story: Swordsman Tournament  
  
Chapter Twenty-Two: The one chapter.....TO RULE THEM ALL!!!**  
  
**Last Time on Swordsman Tournament**  
  
All the characters are standing around doing nothing.  
  
"Hey Guys, I have an idea that's to DIE FOR!!" Sephiroth said with an evil grin. As everyone stared at Sephiroth he decided to voice his idea.  
  
"LET'S DO THE CHICKEN DANCE!!" He shouted. Then they all did the chicken dance and everyone was happy till it started to rain.....oh and the world blew up for no apparent reason.  
  
**Now Back to Your Reguarly Scheduled Chapter**  
  
"What the hell was that?" Cloud asked the author with a suprised look on his face.  
  
"While that was what heppened last chapter." The author answered with a big grin on his face.  
  
"But that didn't happen last time" Cloud said sounding very confused.  
  
"Yeah I know, that's the funny part' C.B. said, grinning like a moron. Then he realized something. "Hey how'd you know about that part at the begginning of the chapter anyway?"  
  
"I read it" Cloud said and then pulled out a laptop which, conviently, had this very chapter loaded on it. The author just stared at it looking really confused, then he realized something else.  
  
"Hey wait, wasn't I being chased by Law Ninja and you were being depressed because of Gothic Aeris" the author said then immediatly regretted it as Cloud went back to being depressed and he was tackled by Law Ninja.  
  
**In Hojo's Secret Underground Lair**  
  
"There all better!" Hojo said, looking over his "repaired" lab. Basically all Hojo did was duct tape everything, but that probably worked since we all know duct tape fixes everything, even relationships. Now as Hojo was thinkng of what a great job he did repairing the lab, Steve and the Chocobo were still busy plotting against him. They finally had a foolproof plan and all they needed to do was distract Hojo.  
  
"Hey Hojo, I've got a great idea. Why don't you sing a song!" Steve said and Hojo eagerly accepted. Luckily for Steve and the Chocobo they had planned ahead and were both wearing earplugs so they couldn't hear a thing. While Steve pretended to enjoy Hojo's singing, The Chocobo stole several of Hojo's prized possesions and inventions using it's awesome ninja skills. Don't ask me why a chocobo would have awesome ninja skills, it just does.  
  
After Hojo was done singing Steve and the chocobo made a quick escape and Hojo resumed fixing his lab, oblivious to the fact that the Chocobo and Steve had stolen almost everything in the lab. Yes he's that stupid.  
  
**Back To the Good Guys (Heroic Music plays)**  
  
The heros were still busy either being depressed (everybody that's not the author or Sephiroth) , getting horribly beaten (the author), or drooling (Sephiroth). Suddenly, everybody's favorite half-demon Inuyasha dropped to the ground, holding his ears and whimpering. Inuyasha was currently hearing Hojo's hearing thanks to his super demon hearing and it was obviously a very painful experinece. However, when Hojo stopped singing, Inuyasha realized that he wasn't depressed anymore and before she could say anything else Inuaysha snatched Vincent's Big Book of Depressing Quotes from her hands.  
  
Since she wasn't say anything really depressing anymore everyone returned to normal (or at least as normal as they get). Seeing that the author was still getting horribly beaten, Aeris was still depressed, and Sephiroth was still drooling everyone tried to snap Sephiroth out of it. After 5 minutes of trying to talk him out of his stupor, they all got bored and just hit him in the head with a REALLY big rock. That knocked Sephiroth out of his drooling state and also happened to knock him out. Seeing as they had nothing better to do, everyone took turns poking Sephiroth with a stick till he woke up.  
  
Now that he was awake and not drooling, Sephiroth looked around seeing the author was STILL being horribly beaten and Aeris was still really depressed he came up with a plan........  
  
..............bet you thought that was the end didn't you? Anyways Sephiroth got a flower and held it in front of Aeris. Aeris started ranting some really depressing goth thing and Sephiroth realized this would call for drastic measures. Sephiroth plucked one peatl off the flower. The second he did this Aeris was back to her old self and beating the hell outta him with her staff while everyone else watched while eating popcorn...  
  
**Priview for Next Chapter:**  
  
What is Steve Planning? Will Hojo realize all of his stuff has been stolen? Will Anyone every help the author (probably not)? Stay tuned for this answers and some monkeys in the next exciting chapter of Swordsman Tournament.  
  
A/N: Well I'm sorry it took so long to update and I want to thank everyone for reviewing and giving me such great ideas. I'm sure I'll fing a way to use them sooner or later. Well till next time, Bye Everybody! 


	23. Commence the Jiggiling!

Disclaimer: I don't own FF7 and that's probably a good thing.  
  
A/N: Yeah I know I took forever to update AGAIN! While since I guess your all ticked off I'll just get done thanking my reviewers real quick and then start this chapter so thanks to Seriyu-the-ice-dragon and Silvawolf for reviewing the last chapter and I'd also like to thank Silvawolf for reviewing chapter 21. Now that the thanks are finished, let's get this chapter started.  
  
**Story: Swordsman Tournament  
  
Chapter Twenty-Three: Commence the Jiggiling!  
  
With the Heros  
**  
Sephiroth was currently getting banaded up by Aeris after she realized that he was trying to help her stop being OOC. Sephiroth was currently enjoying this as Aeris was still wearing her Gothic-Like really revealing black outfit and he was getting an eyeful, making him a very content perverted little psycho villian. Meanwhile (HAHA! I've started using my favorite word again!), the author walked up to the group of heros looking like he'd just been horribly beaten for several hours straight. Gee I wonder why he looked like that? (I hope you noticed the sarcasm)  
  
"Weren't you getting horribly beaten by Law Ninja?" Cloud asked while the other heros nodded their heads, all wondering how the author had managed to escape sine none of them had helped him (jerks).  
  
"Well I was, but Spider-Man saved me" and to emphasis his point the author pointed behind him where Spider-Man was standing around all of the defeated Law Ninja. Curious about his motives, Tifa walked up to him and asked him why he would save the author when he had been stealing his line.  
  
"Everyone gets one" Spider-Man replied before swinging away, never to be seen again (or at least not till they make another movie). All of the characters shrugeed and got back to what they were doing. which basically involed sitting around trying to think of something to do.  
  
**And Now For Someting Completly Diffrent**  
  
'Steve' and the Chocoboo were now hiding somewhere and looking at all the stuff they'd just stolen from Hojo.  
  
"Let's see theres a Lightning Generator, The Random Villian Generator, a lot of useless crap..." Steve was saying while looking over all of Hojo's belogings. The Chocoboo 'warked' every couple of seconds just so no one would forget he was there and everyone would think he's cute. Yes he just had to keep the cute act up while he and the other chocoboos readied their armies to dominate the word.  
  
As the mog kept looking through Hojo's things and the Chocoboo kept looking cute so you wouldn't now how evil it actually is, everything was peaceful until the Mog found something that had even the Chocoboo 'warking' in supriese. It was.......A PLOT DEVICE!!!  
  
**Now that I've Built the Suspense Up, Let's Get Back To the Good Guys  
**  
"Uhh....if those Law Ninja are dead, won't they just send more". Sephiroth said as he was finally done getting bandaged up (though he hadn't stopped giving Aeris a very perverted gaze). The author looked like he was in deep thought for awhile befoe finally responding.  
  
"No, they'll probably just assume their guys succeded sine they didn't report in". The author said before putting on one of his stupid grins while everyone else just thought that there was no way in hell that the Law Ninja were going to assume they Ninja had accomplished their mission since they hadn't reported in.  
  
**Somewhere Else, IN the Super Secret Hiddin Lair of the Law Ninja to Protect Them From Vengeful Authors and Did I Mention This is One Incredibly Long Name For A Place That Won't Even Appear In This Fic After This Chapter**  
  
The super secret leader of the Law Ninja just started at the report in front of him, reading about how some of his Ninja hadn't returned from their latest fic infiltration mission.  
  
"They didn't come back" The leader said to himself before also saying "That must mean they succeded! Let's Party!". So the Law Ninja partied, assuming their Ninja had destroyed the author because they, just like all the other villians in this fic, were really stupid.  
  
**Once Again We Return To the Good Guys**  
  
Sephiroth and Inuyasha were back in the ring as everyone had finally snapped out of the OOCness and the authors reviewers had started noticing how off track this story has gotten. So the two silver haired warriors were about to battle again. Only this time Sephiroth didn't hold back and instantly got a cool glow around him (his third form if you remember fighting him in Kingdom Hearts). He obviously wanted to finish this fight quickly so without a word he started to use one os his strongest attacks (the one were he maks that huge ball of glowing light after saying he will show you the promised land.  
Inuyasha was ready for it though and already knew how to counter his attack and defeat Sephiroth at the same time. He'd wait for Sephiroth to throw the attack and then use the Backlash Wave (hopefully you've seen the newer episodes of Inuaysha on Adult Swim or you might not know what this is) and send Sephiroth's attack right back at him. After gathering all of his energy without any resistance from a certain half-demon (not that he could have interfered anyway since Sephiroth's invincible while performing that attack) Sephiroth threw the attack at Inuyasha. Seeing his chance, Inuyasha jumped in front to the energy ball and was about to use the Backlash Wave when a sudden piercing noise caught his attention and distracted him just long enough for the attack to hit him and knock him out of the ring.  
  
Everyone was so suprised by what happened that no one noticed a certain mischevious fox demon hide a dog whistle in his outfit...  
  
**Priview for Next Chapter**  
  
The Fight Between Inuayasha and Sephiroth is finally over, but how will the fight between Sesshomaru and Cloud go? will the author ever start to update soon? What will Steve do now that he has a plot device? All of this questions and a bag of chips await you in the next exciting installment of....Swordsman Tournament!  
  
A/N: Well I'd like to aplogize again for the wait and if anyone has anything really cool they thing Steve should do with the plot device please leave them in your reviews as I have some ideas but I'm not sure if there all that great. Anyway that's it for this chapter so goodbye for now! 


	24. The Jiggiling Commences!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except my mind....................or do I?  
  
**A/N:** Yeah I took an eternity to update again but as I've said many times before my computer sucks and it choose this month and much of last to act up. Anyways I want to thank Seriyu-the-ice-dragon, Yamamoto Kou, and silvawolf (I'm really sorry about messing your name up last chapter) for reviewing the last chapter and I'd also like to thank krystalpokemon for reviewing chapter 21, 22, and 23. Now let's get on with the fic.  
  
**Story: Swordsman Tournament**  
  
**Chapter Twenty-Four: The Super Birthday Banza Party of the Super Shoom Part Uno (just try to figure out what I was smoking while I thought of that)  
**  
**In that Place where Stuff Happens  
**  
All of the characters, and yes I do mean all of them even the ones I've been ignoring for prolonged periods of time like Rufus and his Scooby Doo rip-off group and all the villians were gathered in a really large building that looked like it was setup for a party.  
  
They were also all glaring at the author as they were sure he was the one who brought them there (well all of them except Sephiroth who was still to busy ogoling Aeris to notice anything (You'd think he'd of gotten tired of that by now)). The author merly smiled at everyone around him as if they weren't all giving him their patented Glare of Death.  
  
"LET'S PARTY!!" He suddenly shouted out and the once empty room was now full of party goods, like t.v.s and game systems, and food and all that other good stuff. While the majority of the people there just ran off and started having fun, the group of heros stopped to talk to the author (sometimes it sucks being the protaganist of a story, huh?).  
  
"Why are we having a party?" Cloud decided to risk asking. The author merley got yet another big grin on his face before answering him.  
  
"Cause Sephiroth won his fight..." and just as Cloud and several other victorious fighters looked pissed because they didn't get parties when they won the author continued speaking "...and to celebrate the fact that today this fic is one year old!!".  
  
Everyone sat around thinking for awhile before deciding that was a good enough excuse to celebrate and started to relax. However, there was one person who wasn't realxed. In a dark and mysterious corner, Steve was being mysterious. Actually come to think of it mysterious isn't really the word for what Steve was doing. Confused, pissed, and highly frustrated were more like it as Steve, just like everyone else, had no idea what the hell a plot device does (he managed to sneak the plot device to the party.....please don't ask me how, you don't want to know).  
  
While Steve was randomly messing with the plot device and nothing seemed to be happening (except when a pair of strangly moogle-shaped pants fell on his head) he finally got bored and threw the device away, not realizing the reprocussions of both messing with the device and throwing it away. For anyone who doesn't know a plot device is usually what people call things that further the plot (like coincidences in stories and events that no purpose other than leading to something important to the plot). However in a almost completly random fic like this, a plot device was able to do just about anything as long as you knew how to use it.  
  
Steves random button pushing had managed to do several things. First it had accidentally summoned a few extra characters into the fic (namely the three kids from Kingdom Heats, and three more Links that all had diffrent colored outfits (The other Links from the Legend of Zelda The Four Swords Adventure)), secondly it had made that convient pair of pants appear for Steve who was now running around and bragging to everyone about how he now wore the human pants. Finally it had set Rufus hair on fire because.....while really there wasn't any reason for it, I just really like to torture villian or villian wannabes in Rufus case.  
  
As if that wasn't bad enough throwing the plot device had also knocked over Rufus' latte. Now where he got a latte at a party that had little more than some pop, a bag of chips, and some donuts is beyoned me. Anyways he noticed the knocked over latte and did what anyone else would have done in that situation.  
  
"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He started to scream at the top of his lungs, apparently forgetting entirly that his head was currently on fire. Well okay maybe that isn't want anyone would have done in his shoes but that's besides the point. Everyone was giving Rufus odd looks and thinking he should be more worried about his hair than some stupid latte. Well everyone but Naraku was giving him odd looks, as Naraku was giving him an envious look and wishing he'd thought of that particular way of acting like a complete moron before Rufus. Finally Reno decided to reming his boss that his head was currently on fire. Rufus looked up and laughed a little before smiling at everyone (which raised the creepiness meter big time).  
  
"Thanks, I completly forgot about that" He said in a voice so calm you'd think he just forgotten the morning paper. Then his face changed so fast from his calm expression to one of shock and horror that it took everyone a minute to realize that he had started to run around screaming unintelligible things that kinda sounded like "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!", and "WHY ISN'T ANYONE HELPING ME!!?!" The heros, being the good sumaritans they are, decided to sit back and enjoy the show...  
  
**Priview For Next Chapter:**  
  
The Next Fight in the Tournament, More Partying, The Chocoboo Army, and Steve! All of this and probably some other really random things on the next exciting installment of......**Swordsman Tournament!  
**  
**A/N:** To be quite honest I wanted to get the entire party done in one chapter but I'm kinda pressed for time right now and I really wanted to post this on the day my fic turned one year old so I guess you only half the party for now. If you want to see anything happen at the party just drop a review and tell me what it is and I'll try to fit it in. Till next time, Bye Everybody! 


	25. PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!

**Disclaimer:** Do I even need one of these? I mean everyone reading this probably just skips it anyway and it's not like anyone actually would believe me even if I did say I owned FFVII so isn't this whole disclaimer useless?........disclaimer explodes for no reason.....yeah 

**A/N:** Sorry about the long wait but Christmas can be kinda hectic at my house and the fact that I have a job now and had to buy gifts for my relatives didn't really help much. Anyways I want to thank Atrum Angelus, Seriyu-the-ice-dragon, Monty Hays, shadow lv3, silvawolf, krystalpokemon, and silvawolf (in disguise). Anyways my whining about the holidays and thanking the reviewers done, I believe it's now time to start the next chapter so here it is.

**Story: Swordsman Tournament........though I guess you probably already knew that**

**Chapter Twenty-Five: Never Underestimate the Power of RAMEN (a.k.a The Party Part TWO!)**

**Back to that Place Where Everyone's Doing Things**

Cloud couldn't help but grin at the situation.

"I have you now Sephiroth!" Cloud yelled with that smug look still plastered on his face. "There's NO ESCAPE!" and with that as his battle cry he charged Sephiroth.

Unfourtanatly Cloud's so called victory was not to be as at the last moment Sephiroth skillfully dodged his attack and without a word landed the final blow on Cloud.

"NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Cloud started to yell at the top of his lungs before someone smacked him upside the head and made him both bite his tonuge and drop his Gamecube Controller. Tifa was rubbing her ears and glaring at Cloud for hurting her ears with his yelling. After taking a moment to recover from the blow to his head, Cloud jumped to his feet and pointed at Sephiroth.

"I demand a rematch!!" Cloud shouted at the top of his lungs. Sephiroth stood up with his patented smirk and said "Then you shall have it fool, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA(Lightning strikes in the background)HA.....huh?". Sephiroth interupted his evil laughter and looked around for the source of the mysterious lightning as everyone gave him strange looks. "Did anyone else see that?" Sephiroth asked and when everyone gave him blank looks he added "So no one else saw lighting flash behind me when I laughed evilly."

Everyone looked confused except Cloud. Cloud simply nodded and walked over to the big machine that had a sign on it saying "The Evil Laughter Lightning 2000, gurateened to make you look like a badass." Everyone nodded their understanding and Cloud was about to return to his game of Super Smash Bros. (In case you don't understand at the begginning to the chapter Cloud and Sephiroth were playing Super Smash Bros. and Cloud lost) when Naraku jumped forward.

Evryone stared at Naraku as he tried to laugh evilly. Of course Naraku's evil laugh (which is more like "kukukuku" then "Mwahahaha") didn't make any lightning appear. Everyone was giving Naraku pitying looks except of course Sephiroth who was laughing his ass off at Naraku's misfortune.

"You call that an evil laugh HA!, **This** is an evil laugh!" With that said Sephiroth proceded to do the most evilist laugh ever. It was so evil that no words could describe it. It was so evil that everyone in the room shuddered at the sound. It was so evil it caused me to write the word evil a real lot in this chapter. The laugh was so evil it caused the entire room to be filled with lightning thanks to the lightning generator and one of the bolts struck Rufus, who had just managed to put the fire on his head out, and set him on fire again. Only this time he was completly on fire. Of course Rufus being Rufus didn't realize he had just become a walking inferno and was acting like nothing happened.

Everyone one was about to calm down and get back to what they were doing before when the strangest thing happened. Steve suddenly jumped out (were he had gone no one knows) and everyone gasped in suprise. They weren't suprised because it was Steve, however, they were suprised because insted of weraring the pants he had accidentally created last chapter, he was wearing a pair of French knickers (don't ask it was a reviewer suggestion and I don't know what they are either) and a pink bra. Everyone was silent for a moment as Steve just started to dance around in his strange outfit before someone started shouting.

"HEY! THAT'S MINE!!!" Aeris shouted at the top of her lungs and started to chase Steve. She was quickly followed by Sephiroth would wanted to kill Steve both for stealing Aeris' cloths and thinking of it before him. They were quickly followed by Cloud and Tifa who wanted to help out and pretty soon everyone was chasing Steve (though I will admit some people actually thought it was a conga line and not a chase).

Several hours later, everyone was finally done chasing Steve and they had all found better things to do. Some people were playing games, some were eating, and a few were......while you probably don't want to know. Anyway Cloud and Tifa had gone back to the gamecube and were now playing Soul Calibur 2 (and Cloud was losing). Aeris and Sephiroth were currently beating the bajeezus out of Steve and everyone was having a good time. However these good times were not meant to be as something sinister was lurking nearby, waiting for the oppurtune time to strike. In a darkened corner, Cait Sith the FFVII character we all love to hate was holding the plot device and making diabolical plans....

**Priview For Next Chapter:**

The Party finally Ends (honest this time), Cait Sith and a greater evil appear!, Vash the Stampede returns! The author makes his locatin known! oh and the Chocobo Army will finally appear and begin there plans for World Domination. All This and possibly less on the next exciting episode...uh I mean chapter thingy of SWORDSMAN TOURNAMNET!!! (This fic is sponsered by Ramen, Pop, and Pocky because without them the author would never be able to think up these crazy ideas)

**A/N:** Okay before I beg everyone not to inflict physical harm on me for the time it took to update, I'm really sorry. I tried to make this chapter longer to make it up to everyone but I don't know if I succeded anyway I'll try to update a lot faster this time like maybe within a week (That's what I'm going to try to do at least) anyway thanks for reading and until next time, Bye Everybody!


	26. I Really Need A Helmet

The Disclaimer can not appear right now, as it exploded in the last chapter and is currently in the hospital. 

**A/N:** Hello again everyone and before I begin this chapter I would like to do the usual and thank my reviewers so a big thank you to Eclipse230 for reviewing twice, also thanks to Eclipse230 for reviewing...in disguise, thanks to silvawolf for reviewing, also thanks to Great Materia Hunter Yuffie for reviewing chapters 7, 8, 9, 12, 16, and 25. Finally thanks to Devaughn A. brathwaite (A.K.A. shadow LV3) . Also any questions asked of me in reviews I will try to answer in the author's notes at the end of the chapter. So without any further ado let's get this chapter started!

**Story:** **Like you don't already know...**

**Chapter Twenty-Six: The Epic conclusion of the Party...(I like Dots!)**

Everything was back to normal at the party. Well at least as normal as you can get when your party has a massive group of heros, several homicidal mainiacs, an idiot who doesn't realize his a walking inferno, and another idiot who's jealous because he didn't think of becoming a walking inferno first. So yeah everything was back to normal and everyone was having a good time. Well except for Cloud.

Cloud was upset, and getting a little frustrated. He looked over at Tifa who was still grinning at him as she had just beaten him for the tenth time in a row. Cloud started to pout (just picture that for a second...weird isn't it?) and Tifa took a little bit of pity on him.

"You know, maybe you would win more if you picked someone besides Nightmare all the time" Tifa suggested.

"But Nightmare's cool!" Cloud whined, trying to defend his favorite Soul Calibur 2 character. Suddenly there was a cloud of black smoke and standing in front of the two was none other than Nightmare himself.

"Hell Yeah!" He said in reply to Cloud's statment than just as quickly as he had apperared he disapperaed in another cloud of black smoke. Tifa and Cloud just stared for a few seconds before one of them finally composed themselves enough to say something.

"Well...that was interesting." Cloud said and Tifa nodded. Then they got back to playing their game, just proving that the opening to this chapter was completly pointless.

**Somwhere That's Not There**

The author was bored out of his mind. He was sitting in some kind of meeting listening to some idiots rant about something he didn't give a damn about. Then he suddenly remembered why he was here.

**FlashBack (cause flashbacks are cool)**

The author was sitting in between Cloud and Tifa and watching them play their game. Everybody was having a good time, except for Cloud cause he kept getting his ass kicked by Tifa in the game. Suddenly a ninja-like person appeared in front of the author in a puff of smoke.

"Mail for a Mr. Cloud-Bahamut" the Ninja, who was apparently also a mailman said and was about to leave before the author said something.

"Hey aren't you one of those Law-Ninjas from a few chapters back" the author said noticing that the mailman was indeed one of the law ninjas. The law ninja had a single tear going down his eye and started to tell the saddening tale of how he got fired.

**Flashback...in a Flashback! (does that make any sense whatsoever?)**

The Law Ninja were all partying because they thought the author was dead. Suddenly one of the Ninjas (the one that later becomes a mailman) decided to say something.

"What if he's not dead?" the poor, poor ninja-soon-to-be-mailman innocently asked. Instantly all the partying stopped and everyone looked at him as if he had just said worthy of being called blasphemy, like saying FF7 sucks (some said that to me once and I shouted "Blasphemy" and them I hit them...and this was completly pointless).

Before he even knew what was happening the ninja (who I really need to give a name) was fired and working for the postal service.

**End of the Flashback in the Flashback, but the other Flashback is still happening (that makes even less sense than the last thing I said)**

The ninja (does anyone know a good name, cause calling him ninja all the time is getting annoying) looked at his audience expecting to see them crying for his sad story. What he actually saw was Cloud and Tifa completly ignoring him and playing their game and the author some how managed to fall asleep during a story that took less than a minute.

The enraged ninja threw the mail at the author like ninja stars and ran off somewhere to wallow in his own self pity (awww..don't you feel bad for him?). The author woke up after being hit by the mail and started going threw it.

"A bill (like that's not a cliche), another bill, a letter bomb..." the author muttered as he looke threw the mail and threw it behind him, cause a bunch of muttered cursing from people when the bills hit them and a lot of screaming like a girl (mostly by Hojo) when the letter bomb blew up. Then the author came across something interesting.

"Hey this is interesting" the author said acting as if I didn't just say that (but wait I'm the author so that meant I said that while acting like I didn't just say that...gets confused). The interesting letter turned out to be a court order. Wondering why he got one (I mean it's not like I've ever done anything illegal...shifty eyes) he started to read it aloud.

"Dear Mr. Whatever the hell your name is, It has come to our attention recently that you play video games. Due to a recent poll done with people whose I.Q.s where between 1 and 20, we have come to a decision that you and everyother gamer in the country must report to anger management so you don't all grow up to be psychos. Have a nice day!" By the time he was done reading the author was shocked.

"Oh this is some bullsh.." However before the author could finish his profantiy both Cloud and Tifa slapped their hands over his mouth. He gave them both suprised looks after they did this. "What this fic's PG-13 I can say that if I BEEPing want to...wait a minute, since when do we have a censor?" Everyone looked to discover that none other than Cid was the censor (thats kinda ironic isn't it?)

Everyone shrugged and continued what they were doing, when the author noticed he had another letter. This time he decided to read the front before opening the letter.

"To Cloud-Bahamut, From Your Reviewers" the author quickly opened the letter to see what his adoring fans had given him. When he opened the letter a giant boxing glove attached to a spring came out and hit him right in the face. Well the author was trying to recover, everyone else noticed the words "Update Faster!" written on the glove.

**End of Flashback, And Back To The Good Guys Because That Flashback Was Way To Long**

Everybody was having a good time when suddenly, none other than Cait Sith jumped out of Nowhere. Nowhere ran around screaming because someone had just jumped out of him. Cait Sith held the plot device above his head and started to laugh manaically. Then he exploded. Everyone just stared at where he exploded. Then another Cait Sith seemed to pop up out of thin air. Everyone started to wonder where all these Cait Siths kept coming from.

**Somwhere Under Midgar**

Reeve was laughing manically while he looked over his factory that was full of Cait Siths. 'Soon I'll have enough Cait Siths to rule the world!' Reeve thought, then just as he was about to start laughing again, one of the walls exploding causing daylight to flood the factory (which is kinda weird because the factory was supposed to be underground). Anyways, standing in the middle of the wreckage of the wall was none other than Chocobo the Chocobo (Also known as "that Chocobo that hangs out with Steve and Hojo) however, he was looking a bit diffrent this time.

He was wearing some kind of scottish style chocobo armor, he had a broadsword (thought I have no idea how he's going to use it without thumbs) and half of his face was painted blue. Also there was an army of chocobos behind him. Chocobo started to do a great war speech before leading the chocobos into battle.

"Wark wark wark, wark wark, Wark Wark Wark!" Chocobo "shouted" (wasn't the speech just beautiful!) then the chocobos and the Cait Siths charged each other, ready to fight the final battle to decided who would rule the world!

**Now That That's Getting Interesting Let's Check Up On The Good Guys Again**

The heros were once again enjoying their partying when suddenly something jumped out of Nowhere again. Nowhere passed out, completly exhauseted because people kept jumping out of him. Everyone gasped then upon seeing the villian, then they glared at Hojo. Standing in front of the charcters was a normal party cake. Well normal except for the fact that it had eyes, arms, a mouth and writtin in frosting across it's "forhead" were the words "JENOVA-PARTAY CAKE!" (gee I wonder who made that one?)

"I am the Evil Partay-Cake, and these are my clown minios!" The Evil cake shouted as his clown minions (yes you read that right) jumped out of Nowhere. Nowhere was now being rushed to the hosptial for treatment. Everyone was staring at the clowns and the clowns were staring at them, until one of the clowns honked one of those little clown horn things that make that weird honking noise. Instantly everyone, including the clowns and evil cake, started to run around in a frenzy. well this was happening, no one noticed the discarded plot device roll over to none other than Rufus Shinra, the only person not freaking out because he was content being a human fireball.

Rufus noticed the device and picked it up, trying to figure out what it was. Then he pushed a button on it and he suddenly had another latte. Now Rufus was happy!...until someone crashed into him and caused him to spill the latte on the plot device causing to explode, unleashing terrible consequences on everyone. Of course Rufus was the first to suffer because he has terrible luck. The plot device exploded strangley extingushed the fires surronding Rufus and completly healed him. Then it set him back on fire. Also because everyone was busy running around and screaming, no one noticed a huge lava pit in front of the door to the partay (Also no one noticed that there hadn't been a door there before).

The most obvious side effect, however, was the fact that the now ruined plot device had summoned a swarm of bees. The now quite pissed bees started to sting everyone (except Rufus, but that's because he's on fire). Everyone were rubbing their sore bee stings when suddenly the cake started shouting.

"NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY CLOWNS ARE ALLERGIC TO BEES!" Then the clowns exploded and there was candy everywhere, because this fic is rated high enough for lots of blood or gore. Anyways, seeing an oppurtunity one of the biggest idiots at this little get toghether who happens to go by the name Naraku charged at the cake with a heroic battle cry.

"BUTTTERED TOASTTTTTTTT!" Naraku shouted as he valiantly charged the cake (okay maybe his battle cry wasn't so heroic). Then he absorbed the cake into his body cause he thought it was a demon. Yeah he's that stupid. Now everyone was laughing at him because he had a burning candle growing out of the top of his head. As everyone tried to return to get eveything back to normal (or at least as normal as these people get), the ninja-who-still-doesn't-have-a-name-and-is-a-postman walked over to the snack table while still wallowing in his own pity (is it just me or is he almost as bad as Vincent?). He finally got happy when he noticed he would be able to take the last donut. However before our intrepid goth-ninja-without a name could even grab the pastry, one of the walls exploded.

Standing in the wreackage was none other than Vash the Stampede, except that instead of wearing his jacket it was tied around him to act like a cape.

"Unhand that defenseless pastry!" Vash(?) shouted before swiping the donut from the poor ninja and making him be all depressed again. As everyone stared at this strange scene, Vash's brother Knives ran up to him blushing from embarassment (yeah you read that right to).

"Vash what the Hell are you doing" Knives yelled hoping to shout some sense into his brother. Like that would actually work.

"Vash?" asked the very confused Vash(?) "My name isn't Vash it's..dramatic pause...DONUTMAN!" Vash(?) shouted than proceded to throw up the peace sign. Before Knive could respond to his brothers antics, Vash the Stampede walked through the front door. Everyone started to stare between Vash and Donutman and noticed the only diffrecnce was that Vash actually wears his coat like a normal person (which is about the only normal thing about him). Upon seeing the look-alikes Knives and the rest of the Trigun crew fainted as the very idea of two Vash the Stampedes was horrifying to no end. Those an uncomfortable silence started, until Vash noticed the donut in Donutman's hand. He immeadiatly started to run at him for it but he slipped on a conviently place bar of soap and fell straight into the previously mentioned lava pit.

Everyone kept staring at the spot where Vash had just been, until Rufus (having recently put out the raging inferno that was himself) walked towards the lava pit because he had no idea what was going on. He to slipped on another conviently placed bar of soap and wound up at the bottom of the lava pit with Vash (who said hi as Rufus landed at the bottom). Everyone kept staring at the lava pit for a few more minutes before anyone did anything.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" They all yelled and started to run around like chickens with their heads cut off. One by one that all slipped on conviently placed bars of soap and they all wound up at the bottom of the lava pit. Everyone just sat around getting bored out of their minds (and trying to figure out how they were all still alive) when they were suddenly transported back to the stadium as the second to last really random act of the broken plot device.

**BackTo Where the Author Is**

Havng gotten tired of sitting through the horrifying Anger Managment class that was giving him anger problems, the author came up with a daring escape plan. Then an anvil landed on his head as the last really random act of the broken plot device. Strangly the words "Update Sooner!" were carved into the anvil...

**Priview for Next Chapter:**

The Author Launches a Daring Escape Plan that Involves Cardboard Cut Outs! The Tournament Finally Resumes! And We'll Finally Get to See if Random Objects with the words "Update Sooner" will stop hitting the author suddenly a frying pan with those very words written on it hits the authors face...so tune in next time to another exciting chapter of...Swordsman Tournament!...Now I need some asprin.

**A/N:** Sorry about the long update time but I've been a bit busy lately hope the longer chapter makes up for it. And Now it's time for the first every Q & A section of this fic.

**Question from Devaughn A. brathwaite:** Can you tell me how to put a fan fic online?

**Answer:** Well you mentioned that you don't have an e-mail address and if you want to put fics up through this webstie you'll need one. There easy to get though and the best way to get one, at least to me, is to get a free one off of Yahoo. Just go to the site and click "sign up" to set up a free Yahoo account. After you have an e-mail address come back to this site and click Register at the top of the screen, from there just follow the on-screen instructions. Hope that helps you!

**Question from Eclipse230:** Hmm... I'm re-reading this fanfic cause I love it so much and I just now realized that your usig jokes from 8-Bit Theatere and The Return of Ganandorf(on ) I want to know why you haven't added these things in your disclaimers?(The real question is: Why do I !#!ing care?)

**Answer:** Theres actually many reasons for this.

**1)** Everybody takes jokes from at least a few other places without putting them in their disclaimers, and besides I'm taking jokes from flash movies and web comics and putting them in a fanfic so I don't really see it as a bad thing since I'm not stealing jokes from other fanfiction writers.

**2)** Half the time I'm taking the jokes without realizing it and I'm to lazy to go through the whole chapter to make sure I didn't forget any disclaimers.

**3)** I don't know if anyone noticed this but the disclaimer exploded last chapter. It's currenty doing well and we hope it will make a full recovery.

As for why you care, I can't really help you with that one because I don't really know either. Anyways till next time my loyal (and soon-to-be bloodthirsty if I don't get this chapter up soon) reviewers, goodbye and I hope you all have a great day...or week...or however long it takes me to get off my lazy ass and write another chapter.


	27. I have Returned!

**Disclaimer:** The All Mighty Disclaimer Has Finally Returened! Mwahahahahahahahahaha!...oh and I don't own anything mentioned in this fic, excpet my crazy ideas. 

**A/N:** Hello Everyone, I'm back. I actually would have had this up sooner but my internet is acting up...again. I swear the internet hates me. Also I've had some personal problems latly, but I finally got them sorted out so I should be able to update quicker (I hope). Anyway it's time for me to thank my reviewers so thanks to Great Materia Hunter Yuffie, shadow lv3, devaughn, Dark-sephiroth2, Seriyu-the-ice-dragon, Eclipse230, silvawolf, devaughn (yes that's supposed to be there twice), dev (yet again!), A Bloody Puppet, dev (yet again...again), De'Vaughn, sam, devaughn (I'm starting to notice a pattern here), shadow3173, and dev (shadow3173) for reviewing. Now without any further stalling on my part let's get this chapter started.

**Story: Swordsman Tournament...(bet you thought I was gonna say something)**

**Chapter Twenty-Seven: Action, Adventure, and a Chocobo. Can it get any better than that.**

**Where The Author Is Right Now**

The author was enjoying himself. Well as much as someone can enjoy themself when they have a huge ice pack on their head due to many random and heavy objects getting thrown at their head for being a lazy bastard. However, despite taking an eternity to update and knowing he was just going to get more heavy objects thrown at him for pracrastinating, the author was sitting in front of his T.V. playing a video game. You might wonder why someone would allow himself to be beaten severly just to play a game, but then you don't know what the author was playing. The author was currently playing Conker Live & Reloaded, which to the author was probably the best X-Box game ever (plus one of the few games that actually deserves an M-rating for it's highly offensive humor).

However the author's good time and shameless praise of a video game so he could get paid for advertising (whoops!...wasn't supposed to mention that) were tragically cut short as the door to his house was kicked opened, flew off it's hinges, and smacked the author right in the face. As the author was recovering from the blow to the face (you'd think he'd be used to them by now) he noticed two figures standing in the doorway (or ex-doorway when you think about it).

"Gasp!" The author shouted and tried to hide behind his chair (which was a really stupid plan as both figures could obviously see him). The two people entered the house and were about to have a "word" with the author when one of them stopped.

"Wait did he just say gasp, Cloud?" one figured ased the other who was clearly now known to be none other than Cloud Strife. He also looked like he was in a real bad mood.

"Yes he did Tifa." Cloud answered coldly, obviously very upset about something. Noticing the author cowering, Cloud was about to go into his long winded speech about responsibility and not taking forever to update when both him and the author were forced to stare at Tifa as she squealed like a fangirl. This caused two very diffrent reactions from the males in the room. Cloud shuddered in fear while thoughts of what fangirls liked to do to him whent through his head (Not that he'd mind Tifa doing some of those things to him, but that's besideds the point). The author was just confused because he was pretty sure that was the most out of character thing he had ever seen Tifa do. Then he realized she was looking at his game while squealing and he put two and two together.

After getting four, the author quickly tried to leap into to Tifa's way to stop her from stealing his game. Of course leaping quickly was hard since everyone knows that when you make a leap everything goes into slow-motion, which is why you'd thnk the author would have noticed that Tifa was about to knock him out of the way before she sent him into a wall. Before the author could even hit the ground Cloud had his Buster Sword to his neck with a mad gleam in his eye (Woo Hoo! I finally drove Cloud crazy! One hero down, who knows how many more to go). The author noticed Cloud was quite upset (and hoped that commment helped him win the Understatment of the Year Award) and scrached the back of his head nervously (which is actually physically impossible sine he was currently embedded into a wall, but since when has logic stopped me from doing anything).

"Your're coming with us!" Cloud yelled at the author as he started to drag him to...uh...wherever the hell he was dragging him. As he passed Tifa (who was still playing the game) he motioned for her to get moving but stopped when she tried to give him the puppy dog eyes (you know what these are and don't pretend you don't). However Cloud had planned ahead and pulled out a pair of sunglasses and put them on (Because everybody knows the puppy dog eyes don't work on someone who wears really cool glasses). Upset that she couldn't control Cloud's mind with the puppy dog eyes, Tifa decided to just ransack the authors house and steal half his stuff mostly because his stuff was cool but also to teach him a lesson about updating sooner. Before the author could protest he'd already been knocked out by Cloud and moments later the trio (Cloud, Tifa, and the author incase you had trouble following the last scene) were back at the stadium.

The author finally came to only to notice a large mob of...well...just about everyone that's was at the tournament. The author just nervoulsly waved at everybody, which started a long list of complaints.

As soon as everyone realized the author was there they all strarted to shout out complaints like "Were out of food!" or "We need more medical supplies" (which got everyone to starte at Sephiroth who just shrugged) and there was even a complaint of "When's the next fight?" The last one got everyone to stare at Sesshomaru who was the one who asked. Not liking being the center of attention he just glared at everyone. This caused everyone to look away as they didn't feel like pissing off a demon. Everyone started to stare at the author who just looked at them all nervoulsly as he was trying to think of a way out of getting killed. Then it hit him.

"Ahhh!" the author yelled as a brick hit him upside the head. Everyone just sighed as they were used to this kind of stuff. The author got up muttering inaudible curses (because if you could hear what he was saying I wouln'd be able to keep the Teen rating). Then the author noticed a note attached to the brick. The author decided to read the note aloud because that's much more convient for the reader.

"Take the characters to the store for more food then have the next fight." The aurthor read, then nodded and shouted out "The oddly specific advice is right! We'll go buy some more food then come back and have the next fight!" After saying this everyone cheered and the author shouted "To the Vanmobile!" Then he ran to his van and tried to jump through the window and into the drivers seat, but there were two problems with that. First the window was rolled up. Also a van isn't exactly a low-riding vehicle and jumping through a window of one would be quite hard. So it didn't really suprise anybody when the author suddenly hit the ground. After recovering the author and everyone else quickly got into whatever vehicles they could find and raced to the where the stores are.

A few minutes later and everyone was standing in front of several large stores and the author had a problem. A really big problem. Since he was driving no one rode with him and they all showed up in the Highwind, which happend to have just landed on his van. However that wasn't the biggest problem. Oh no that was nothing compared to what the author was currently facing. Right next to the food store which just happened to be called Food-O-Rama (a strange name indeed) was a store called Games-R'-Us (a totally ripped off name). However before the author could escape grocery shopping he was uncerminously dragged into the food store, shouting out "NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the whole way there. As they finally made it into the store they all gasped in awe as the store was bigger on the inside than it looked on the outside. There was diffrent kinds of food all over the place and most of the characters were drooling.

After awhile of just sitting there and drooling over the large amounts of food the author decided to make an announcment.

"I'm making an announcment" the author said, and when he received glares from everyone for acting stupid (uhhhhh...yeah...acting) he continued. "Now I think we should split up into groups of at least two people and go gather some grocieris, any objections?" The author looked around as no one said anything until the young Ninja Yuffie spoke up.

"Why do we have to split up into groups? It's not like this place is dangerous and even if it was we can take care of ourselves." Yuffie said, with some of the other characters nodding their heads in agremment.

The aurthor sighed and said "It's not for your protection it's just that I'm a little worried about what will happen if certain people are left unsupervised." As he was saying this the author was also glaring at the villians and Sephiroth to let them know who the "certain people" were. "Besides," the author started to add, in a much more sorrowful tone "sombody's got to keep an eye on Hojo." As the author said this all the characters paled (except Hojo, of course, who was currently looking at the diffrent kind of foods and wondering which ones it would be best to inject Jenova cells into). As the characters were starting to panic (who can blame them, I mean, would YOU want to watch Hojo for a prolonged period of time?) until Yuffie had a brilliant idea. She rolled something across the ground as the author started to talk again.

"To decided who has to watch Hojo, I think it'd only be fair if we drew straws or someting so..." the author didn't have a chance to finish as something hit his foot. The author looked at it carfully and then got a suprised look on his face. "Hey! This looks just like a smoke bomb..." and then if went off. As the Author was busy coughing in a cloud of smoke all of the characters save one escaped to diffrent parts of the store. As the smoke cleared the author looked around and realized everyone was gone except for Hojo, who still had no idea what was going on. The author continued to look around suprised until realization of what had just happend hit him.

"Oh those bast.." However before the author could finish his foul word he was immediatly tackled by a strange group of people who shouted out "No Bad Language" and then disappeared suddenly. Decideding to let the incident go, the still freaked out author and an oblivious Hojo started to wander through the store.

**Somewhere Completly Diffrent**

Ths disclaimer was happily walking out of the fic, sastisfied that it had done it's job of informing people of all the things the author doesn't own, when it was suddenly caught up in a gigantic battle. Now you may ask yourselves "Why was there a gigantic battle going on right outside of a hospital?" Regardless of the answer to the previous question (The answer was "Shut Up" by the way) the point is the disclaimer got involved in a huge battle that I won't be descrbing due to an acute case of laziness, and when it was finally over the disclaimer was rushed back to the hopital because it had used up all of it's disclaimer powers.

**Returning to the Store (And Proving that Last Scene was Complelty Pointless)**

Cloud and Tifa were walking together and looking around the store for some food. They would have been by themselves (A fact which both will tell you repedeatly was not intentional, despite the fact that they obviously walked off together when everyone split up) if it wasn't for their third companion Nowhere, who was currently acting nonchalant and pretending to be in the middle of itself. This continued until they walked past the snack aisle. Well to be more specific Tifa and Nowhere passed the snack aisle and Cloud tried to steathily sneak into the aisle. When Tifa noticed he was missing she immediatly went back to the snack aisle and sighed when she saw what Cloud was doing. She should have known he'd have some kind of food obssesion as it seems as all the greatest characters have them. I mean there was Vash with his donut obsession, Inuyahsa with his "Anything from the future" obsession, and her own hidden obsessions with video games and pocky. Nothing, however, could have prepared her for what she saw.

Cloud Strife, hero, swordsman, badass, and all around good guy was sitting on the floor tearing open boxes of Animal Crackers and eating them while growling at anyone who came near him. Tifa looked back to ask Nowhere for help only to notice that Nowhere was giving the beef jerky a VERY strange look. Tifa just sighed and decided to see if she could find any Pocky.

**Back With the Idiots (Which Ones?)**

The author and Hojo were walking together in their valiant search for the items that would be necessary for the continued survival of the characters. So as they were looking for some chips and booze, they hadn't realized they came into the mysterious experiments aisle (the only thing more mysterious than the experiments is why they have an aisle like that in the middle of a store). The author kept walking past, but Hojo being both a scientist and an idiot, couldn't help but pick up one of the inventions. The strange contraption was shapped like a gun, but it didn't have any of the components of a normal gun. Before Hojo could figure out what the gun does he had already fired it on accident and hit the author right in the back. As the author fell to the ground unconcious (that seems to happen a lot in this fic, doesn't it?) Hojo did what any sensible person would do. He threw the gun down and walked away whistiling innocently.

**Somewhere Else Once Again**

Vash and Knives were actually having a civil converstation and everyone thought that things might finally become peacful between the brothers. Then they started to head to the produce aisle and everyone suddenly got a sense of impending doom.

**Enough Foreshadowing Let's Go Somewhere Else**

Blissfully unaware of the strange events happening, everyone's favorite ninja Yuffie was happily walking towards the pet aisle not noticing where she was going because she was still to happy with herself over her plan working. Finally realizing where she was, the young ninja decided to see if any of the animals looked edible. Passing by some random kittens (which she wouldn't eat because she likes cats) and a dog (which she woulnd't eat because she didn't trust the dog's name, which happened to be Menchi) she finally came across a creature so strange words couldn't describe it. Yuffie decided to try and observe the creature more carefully to figure out what it was and the answer hit her just as it suddenly leapt out of it's cage...

**Priview for Next Chapter:** Yuffie gets a pet, the author's darkest secrets are revealed, and things get even more complicated for the heros when the law ninja mailman returns!

**A/N: **Hello everyone I have finally made my dramatic return. For those of you who were wondering, no I am not dead, though I certainly feel it. I have to offer my sincerest apologies for taking so goddamn long to finish this chapter but I've had a lot of personal issues come up lately which basically involed a funreal, me getting a job, and many of the more mundane things in life that it would bore you all for me to go on about. Thankfully this unwanted break from this fic has helped me get a bunch of ideas and I even have a few ideas for how to update faster. For all of you who are curious as to what my ideas are, I've decided to list them off here:

First I'm going to set a certain amount of time it should take for me to update. I think part of the reason I've been taking so long latly is I don't consider the date that I want the next chapter up by and I have a tendecy to lost track of time. I'm hoping to start getting a new chapter up at least once every two weeks, and if I can get that to work then I'll try for what I'm really aiming for which is weekly updates.

My second and final idea is to write short little chapter that I'll put up whenever I'm haveing trouble thinking of ideas for the fic. I got this idea because lately while I've been thinking up a lot more ideas not all of them can be put into the fic and not using an idea I like frustrates me and can lead to me having a minor case of writer's block. These short chapters wouldn't reaplace the main fic and they should help me use some of the ideas I can't fit into the fic normally. Just a quick note if I do decided to post up these short chapters, they probably wouldn't be related to the fic and may or may not involve members of the FFVII crew.

Anyway I don't like these author notes being this long so I'm going to wrap this up now. For those of you who either already asked me some questions or who want to ask about my ideas to increase update time I'll try to reply to you when I post the next chapter which I'm going to try to have done before the end of next week. Well until then Bye Everybody!


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